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V-Moda Headphones for the Elderly

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 

Today while scrutinizing V-Moda's siteful o' pointy metal pivots, Giger-spined retractable accessories and incisor-shaped sexphones (sorry -- I meant erotophones), I realized that, despite his obsessive targeting of various unmined niches -- such as that intersection between audiophilia, DJ culture, wannabe DJ culture, DJ lepers, DJ Leper, mental vampire-licking and vituperative boy bling -- Val Kolton has somehow neglected the very market which everyone else has missed:  I'm talking about the elderly! 


Every time I espy a gum-flashing crone with multicolored patches of sparse hair, I realize that an entire stratum of viable consumers quivers to be courted


Why have we not seen nightmare-Swarovski audio pouches for dowagers with too much money in the bank and too little short-term memory?


Sure, V-Moda customization appeals to the loud and chromatically saturated, but remember: Dotards like vibrant colors, too -- those colors are far easier to see! 


This is the kind of concept that makes my bifocals fog, my dentures clatter and my designer-black diaper flap open with E-fueled abandon!  I'm literally drooling (sorry)!


The questions are these:


  • What would V-Moda headphones for the elderly be called?
  • What would they look like?
  • What sort of customization would they offer?
  • What sort of shields should be marketed for them?
  • What sort of individuals comprise V-Moda's elderly target audience?


On the last few points, I have equally few ideas!  Here, for your delectation, is a smattering:




Here's a shield that would look especially fetching in gold (and even shows the foont who's slowly fetching it):



It's obvious this futuristic piece of equipment appeals to the fashion-forward gent who's eyeing it -- note his desperate consumer hunger.  Could this be a future DAC design for the iPhone, perhaps?



And now for your industrial music colostomy appointment:




Who can tell you're decrepit if you're rocking satanic pancake makeup?



Have the silver-bearded gods (female and male) gifted you with cantankerous attitude and a primitive sense of rhythm?  Why not show it with your headphones' custom shields -- and your zesty walker, too?



Delving for geriatric anime that compliments your easily-exhausted lifestyle but also incorporates that shadow color scheme?  Well, delve no . . . what's that word I'm trying to think of that means something past something. . . .  Big clouds . . . no, little clouds. . . . 


Edited by scrypt - 8/17/12 at 5:39pm
post #2 of 5

That, uh...that would be interesting.

post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 

post #4 of 5

Unfortunately for Mr. Kolton, this market has been monopolized by Eskuché.




The 33i is presented in three antiquarian finishes: Bel Air hubcap metallic, television dial, and chandelier brass. Commensurately punctuated cup indicators appear from necessity, completing the allure.

post #5 of 5

My 72-year old step-father rocks a pair of LP2s. It helps my mom keep her sanity when he listens to his music at high levels due to hearing loss. He says they sound great! He first learned about V-MODA from seeing/hearing my M-80s, which he loved, but he wanted over-ear cans. My mom surprised him with a pair of LP2s. His hearing loss comes from working below-decks in the engine rooms on Navy ships back in his youth.


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