Today while scrutinizing V-Moda's siteful o' pointy metal pivots, Giger-spined retractable accessories and incisor-shaped sexphones (sorry -- I meant erotophones), I realized that, despite his obsessive targeting of various unmined niches -- such as that intersection between audiophilia, DJ culture, wannabe DJ culture, DJ lepers, DJ Leper, mental vampire-licking and vituperative boy bling -- Val Kolton has somehow neglected the very market which everyone else has missed: I'm talking about the elderly!
Every time I espy a gum-flashing crone with multicolored patches of sparse hair, I realize that an entire stratum of viable consumers quivers to be courted.
Why have we not seen nightmare-Swarovski audio pouches for dowagers with too much money in the bank and too little short-term memory?
Sure, V-Moda customization appeals to the loud and chromatically saturated, but remember: Dotards like vibrant colors, too -- those colors are far easier to see!
This is the kind of concept that makes my bifocals fog, my dentures clatter and my designer-black diaper flap open with E-fueled abandon! I'm literally drooling (sorry)!
The questions are these:
- What would V-Moda headphones for the elderly be called?
- What would they look like?
- What sort of customization would they offer?
- What sort of shields should be marketed for them?
- What sort of individuals comprise V-Moda's elderly target audience?
On the last few points, I have equally few ideas! Here, for your delectation, is a smattering:
Here's a shield that would look especially fetching in gold (and even shows the foont who's slowly fetching it):
It's obvious this futuristic piece of equipment appeals to the fashion-forward gent who's eyeing it -- note his desperate consumer hunger. Could this be a future DAC design for the iPhone, perhaps?
And now for your industrial music colostomy appointment:
Who can tell you're decrepit if you're rocking satanic pancake makeup?
Have the silver-bearded gods (female and male) gifted you with cantankerous attitude and a primitive sense of rhythm? Why not show it with your headphones' custom shields -- and your zesty walker, too?
Delving for geriatric anime that compliments your easily-exhausted lifestyle but also incorporates that shadow color scheme? Well, delve no . . . what's that word I'm trying to think of that means something past something. . . . Big clouds . . . no, little clouds. . . .
Edited by scrypt - 8/17/12 at 5:39pm