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An audiophile and petrolhead's journal: Buckle up!

post #1 of 7482
Thread Starter 
Headphones, amps, and cars. Oh my!



Wait a second! What's this thread about? It's about me, and like-minded individuals, discussing; high-end audio gear, fast cars, and the people we live with. Personally, it's about me trying to keep my hobbies and marriage in a state of balance, which doesn't always happen. Feel free to come in and talk about audio and autos, or how your spouse or partner doesn't understand you. We can often relate or sympathize, and if not, at least you can vent a little. Basic forum rules apply, of course, which means leaving the "7 words you can't say on TV" outside and treating others as you'd like to be treated.

Also, we talk about expensive things a good bit of the time, so negative comments about people with "more money than sense" can be left at the door as well. We know such things are over the top, we're aware that $250,000 supercars aren't the best value, we just don't care. wink.gif

"Why do you post about cars here and not a car forum?" That's a good question, and it comes down to 3 specific reasons:

One, is that I despise car forums, they're filled with adolescent trolls, angry curmudgeons, and vitriolic apostles of "X" company (Nissan, Porsche, Mitsubishi, Chevy, Ford, etc, take your pick). I don't like being on the defensive all the time, trying to explain why a person might buy a LaFerrari over a tuned GT-R ("you waist yer money old man! lolerz!"), and their moderation is poor to nonexistent, unlike MacNN which has some of the best around. Also, I don't know if you're aware of this, but as soon as sponsors find out you actually own some of these cars, PM spam comes in like an avalanche. Overall, it sucks.

Two, I like the people on MacNN (well, a lot of them). smily_headphones1.gif

Three, it minimizes the number of places I visit, since I also talk about audio and other stuff here.


That's about it.


Edit: The below has long since been sorted out and we've moved on to other things! biggrin.gif

My wife is becoming unreasonable. She doesn't mind new CDs or LPs, it's the arrival of headphones, speakers, amps, and the like that irritates her. You know, the things that take up space. I asked her about it and she just said, "you don't need more stuff". She calls all my audio equipment "clutter" and says it's a waste of money. Now, I'm semi-retired, we have no financial problems, a large home, no kids, but for some reason she's getting hostile over new gear. I keep it organized, all of my stuff is neatly arranged in the family/audio/HT room and the "overflow" goes in my workshop space in the basement, it's not like it's laying all over the house or where company can normally see it. Also, she constantly reminds me of my hobby budget, but I usually stay under it. In fact, I went a whole year where I barely spent any at all out of it, so the money had been building up.

The other day I mentioned that I wanted to pickup a set of T1s, and she asked how much they were. I told her ~$1000 and she hit the roof and said that was stupid. I'd call her somewhat frugal, but she isn't cheap. If she wants something, like her new $1500 sewing machine, she sees that as practical and will buy it in a heartbeat.

I thought it was because I was spending more time with my hobbies, but I started making myself available and hanging out more and she still goes off. Then I thought it was because I hadn't been spending much on her, but getting her flowers and gifts doesn't seem to make much of a difference either. I recently suggested talking with someone, maybe getting some marriage counseling, and she said I just needed to stop collecting "junk". The thing is, she knew I was a hardcore audio guy when she married me, but now it's like she just wants me to change and not pursue what I enjoy. I'm starting to get pissed.

I suppose I'm at a loss. Anyone here experience this? Got any ideas how to smooth this out?

Update:

Well, the initial problems have smoothed over, now I just need to stay out of trouble. ESTD.
Edited by Magick Man - 3/6/14 at 5:40pm
post #2 of 7482

Dump her and see if your state will allow you to marry you gear.

post #3 of 7482

If I may ask, then how long have you been married to your wife? What's her name?

 

Do you let her listen to her favorite music on your audio system especially your headphones and headphone amplifiers?

 

Your wife is much more important than your hobby. She will be there for you for the rest of your lives together. You should ask her what she thinks about your hobby in detail. Try to ask eliciting questions to get to the root cause of why she no longer shares your passion for this hobby. Tell her why you love music and audio equipment. Tell her what it makes you feel when you listen to music on your audio system. Tell her that her support is as important to enjoying your hobby.

 

I would tell her how much you love music. It transports you to your youth when you listen to your favorite music especially when it reminds you of better years from the past. It gives you time to relax and think and enjoy your retirement. Make sure to emphasize the fact that you love her and her support of your hobby is very important to your health and happiness together.

 

Ask her if she would like to buy more of her favorite music and if she would like to know more about this headphone hobby in detail. I know that it may sound a bit strange to introduce the hobby to your wife, but I think that if two people share the same passion for the same hobby, then things will go much smoother for both of you.

 

Lastly, get involved with her hobbies. If she likes to sew, then ask her to make you a favorite pair of jeans or a shirt or something. Tell her that you support her hobbies and that you think that they are important to you as well. If she feels that you are genuine about taking an interest in her hobbies, then there is a chance that she will reciprocate and perhaps she will allow you to buy another high fidelity audio component or more music.

 

The thing that you need to take away from this is that you value your relationship with her more than this hobby. Tell her that her support and understanding are critical to your enjoyment of this hobby and your music.

post #4 of 7482

Just learn to hide your new stuff better.

post #5 of 7482
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magick Man View Post
My wife is becoming unreasonable. She doesn't mind new CDs or LPs, it's the arrival of headphones, speakers, amps, and the like that irritates her. You know, the things that take up space. I asked her about it and she just said, "you don't need more stuff". She calls all my audio equipment "clutter" and says it's a waste of money. Now, I'm semi-retired, we have no financial problems, a large home, no kids, but for some reason she's getting hostile over new gear. I keep it organized, all of my stuff is neatly arranged in the family/audio/HT room and the "overflow" goes in my workshop space in the basement, it's not like it's laying all over the house or where company can normally see it. Also, she constantly reminds me of my hobby budget, but I usually stay under it. In fact, I went a whole year where I barely spent any at all out of it, so the money had been building up.
The other day I mentioned that I wanted to pickup a set of T1s, and she asked how much they were. I told her ~$1000 and she hit the roof and said that was stupid. I'd call her somewhat frugal, but she isn't cheap. If she wants something, like her new $1500 sewing machine, she sees that as practical and will buy it in a heartbeat.
I thought it was because I was spending more time with my hobbies, but I started making myself available and hanging out more and she still goes off. Then I thought it was because I hadn't been spending much on her, but getting her flowers and gifts doesn't seem to make much of a difference either. I recently suggested talking with someone, maybe getting some marriage counseling, and she said I just needed to stop collecting "junk". The thing is, she knew I was a hardcore audio guy when she married me, but now it's like she just wants me to change and not pursue what I enjoy. I'm starting to get pissed.
I suppose I'm at a loss. Anyone here experience this? Got any ideas how to smooth this out?


Jewelry,

gold, silver, diamonds, rubies, emeralds.

Limo and dinner.

 

 

post #6 of 7482

One phrase that is so applicable to so many controversies in the US today is equally applicable here:

 

"Stop liking things I don't like".

 

It's amazing how many differences in society can be boiled down to this one simple, childish phrase.

 

Since your house is large and no kids are around, why not build a man-cave; a room dedicated for your stuff where she has no need to intrude or be offended by the things you like. Put a "No Girls Allowed Club" sign on the outside. It obviously should be bigger than your (apparently undersized) workshop.  Rotate different rigs into the main room, but have your cave with as many set ups as you want. 

post #7 of 7482

Lucky for you, your state Tennessee is not a community property state, unlike us poor Californians biggrin.gif

 

post #8 of 7482
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Head Injury View Post

Dump her and see if your state will allow you to marry you gear.

I could dump her and get a HiFi-loving 21 y/o underwear model, but I love my wife. wink.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoebeFairchild View Post

If I may ask, then how long have you been married to your wife? What's her name?

Do you let her listen to her favorite music on your audio system especially your headphones and headphone amplifiers?

Your wife is much more important than your hobby. She will be there for you for the rest of your lives together. You should ask her what she thinks about your hobby in detail. Try to ask eliciting questions to get to the root cause of why she no longer shares your passion for this hobby. Tell her why you love music and audio equipment. Tell her what it makes you feel when you listen to music on your audio system. Tell her that her support is as important to enjoying your hobby.

I would tell her how much you love music. It transports you to your youth when you listen to your favorite music especially when it reminds you of better years from the past. It gives you time to relax and think and enjoy your retirement. Make sure to emphasize the fact that you love her and her support of your hobby is very important to your health and happiness together.

Ask her if she would like to buy more of her favorite music and if she would like to know more about this headphone hobby in detail. I know that it may sound a bit strange to introduce the hobby to your wife, but I think that if two people share the same passion for the same hobby, then things will go much smoother for both of you.

Lastly, get involved with her hobbies. If she likes to sew, then ask her to make you a favorite pair of jeans or a shirt or something. Tell her that you support her hobbies and that you think that they are important to you as well. If she feels that you are genuine about taking an interest in her hobbies, then there is a chance that she will reciprocate and perhaps she will allow you to buy another high fidelity audio component or more music.

The thing that you need to take away from this is that you value your relationship with her more than this hobby. Tell her that her support and understanding are critical to your enjoyment of this hobby and your music.
Been together for almost three years, don't really want to get into names. I am in my early 40s and she's in her late 20s. She's a former librarian, now full time post-grad. As I said before, I'm mostly retired without financial worries.

Anyway, I've tried most of that, talked with her about how much I enjoy my hobbies, how I'd like for her to appreciate them too, but she just tells me that I'm being a wasteful pack rat. She doesn't understand that different headphones have different sound, and that I enjoy the variety. I've tried to get her into it, she even took my HD598s, but she can't tell any difference between them and any of my other cans. They're all the same to her. She does enjoy music, and can appreciate buying it, but where the problem starts is the equipment it's played on. She'd be happy with a small shelf system and her iPhone, she doesn't get the "HiFi thing" and says she doesn't want to. It wasn't like this when we were dating, this is an attitude that she's developed over the last several months.
Edited by Magick Man - 3/9/12 at 12:33am
post #9 of 7482

Good luck with your wife then. I don't know what else I can suggest to help you. I was going to suggest that you buy her a pair of headphones that she would like, but I think that you already tried that route. Go get the headphones that you want. I have family members and friends that don't understand why I love this hobby so much too. I still get to enjoy my music and high end audio system fine without their support.

post #10 of 7482
All relationships hit different funky patches if they go on long enough. Since she doesn't like music or gear the way you do, and doesn't seem inclined to learn to like it, you're going to have to come to an accommodation you both can live with. I think the person who said you needed to get your stuff out of the common spaces has got the right idea. It could be one of those out of sight, out of mind issues, where if she doesn't see it, it's not a problem.

But, I definitely don't think you should try to buy her tolerance. A. it wears off and the threshold would keep getting higher. B. You'd be bound to resent it after a while.

My main thought is that you two have to find some way to talk about this. I mean, is it the gear? Is it the time you spend on it and not with her? Is it a pretext for something else that's bugging her? It's clearly not the money, so if I were you, I'd really want to know what's driving the issue.

my $.02
post #11 of 7482
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleAngel View Post



Jewelry,
gold, silver, diamonds, rubies, emeralds.
Limo and dinner.

She has more jewelry than she can wear, she has three quite large jewelry boxes packed with stuff. It's gotten to the point that for birthdays and such she asks for anything but jewelry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeckles View Post

One phrase that is so applicable to so many controversies in the US today is equally applicable here:

"Stop liking things I don't like".

It's amazing how many differences in society can be boiled down to this one simple, childish phrase.

Since your house is large and no kids are around, why not build a man-cave; a room dedicated for your stuff where she has no need to intrude or be offended by the things you like. Put a "No Girls Allowed Club" sign on the outside. It obviously should be bigger than your (apparently undersized) workshop.  Rotate different rigs into the main room, but have your cave with as many set ups as you want. 

The HT/audio room is my mancave. It's where I keep my computers, my gear, and all my manly electronic stuff. She didn't decorate it like she did the rest of the house, it's my space. Maybe the sign would be a good idea, maybe a "He-Man Woman Haters Club" banner over the door would work. wink.gif
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jon L View Post

Lucky for you, your state Tennessee is not a community property state, unlike us poor Californians biggrin.gif

We also have a prenup.
post #12 of 7482

Have you already explained to her that much of the stuff in in the hifi world has a pretty decent resell value? Think of all the other hobbies people have that are basically a complete waste of time and money.

post #13 of 7482

Doesn't sound like the headphones are the problem, more like a control issue - wants everything her way.

Or maybe she's not feeling the relationship anymore and just getting annoying by simplicities that normally people don't think twice about.

 

Test her, say, "you know I think you're right, I have too many of the same thing, I think what I'm going to do is sell all of them and settle down for an Orpheus or Sr-009, this way I just have one nice headphone."

 
 

Edited by Chefguru - 3/8/12 at 10:52pm
post #14 of 7482
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhoebeFairchild View Post

Good luck with your wife then. I don't know what else I can suggest to help you. I was going to suggest that you buy her a pair of headphones that she would like, but I think that you already tried that route. Go get the headphones that you want. I have family members and friends that don't understand why I love this hobby so much too. I still get to enjoy my music and high end audio system fine without their support.
That's what it boils down to. A friend told me to just get what I want and not say anything. I love her, but she's not going to control every aspect of my life, and I think that's partly what this is about, control.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rroseperry View Post

All relationships hit different funky patches if they go on long enough. Since she doesn't like music or gear the way you do, and doesn't seem inclined to learn to like it, you're going to have to come to an accommodation you both can live with. I think the person who said you needed to get your stuff out of the common spaces has got the right idea. It could be one of those out of sight, out of mind issues, where if she doesn't see it, it's not a problem.

But, I definitely don't think you should try to buy her tolerance. A. it wears off and the threshold would keep getting higher. B. You'd be bound to resent it after a while.

My main thought is that you two have to find some way to talk about this. I mean, is it the gear? Is it the time you spend on it and not with her? Is it a pretext for something else that's bugging her? It's clearly not the money, so if I were you, I'd really want to know what's driving the issue.
my $.02
She says it's the gear, that I'm deluded into thinking that I need it to better enjoy music. She doesn't understand why I want new stuff or why it costs so much. Personally, I think part of it is that she's lived her entire life scraping to get by, but now she doesn't have to.
post #15 of 7482
Growing up poor does leave its marks on a person. Go with the hobby angle. Hobbies don't have to make sense, don't need explanation. She must have some stuff that's not 100% functional, though to be honest, the equivalency argument just about never works.
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