Dear potential employee of the paying type,
You will hire me immediately for I do not take denial softly. If you do not hire me I will be forced to find out your place of residency. I will then proceed to make you quite uncomfortable with my most precious equipment. This visit will cause you to graciously accept my offer. I recommend you avoid unnecessary steps.
Yours truely, John H Mcstabby
Strangler the children's clown
Microsoft customer care associate