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I have been insulted by someone of great intellect and i feel like trash. How should i react to...

post #1 of 92
6/18/11 at 10:55pm
Thread Starter 

i have been here for 6 months and i believe you can understand me and know enough about me. to answer this question and maybe pondering hope. do you think he may be right. this guy has a massively high intellect and made valid points. even ones i don't know how to counteract. i feel like piss

 

 

 

heres the conversation

 

him: It's how you look at the world. So easily pessimistic to the nature of people, rebelling against the way the world is because you don't like your own situation, choosing non-conformity not because you want to be you regardless of everyone else but because you want to be their opposite, wanting an entirely different world because you can't make your own the way you want it to be.

You have formed most of your personality around rebellion, and it kills me inside almost every time you are driven to open your mouth as speak because I hear it in almost every word.
I didn't want to say that because you either would say 'You don't know anything about me' as always, or just get to the point where you're like, 'You're Christian, I have no respect for you now'
 
me:i wouldnt say that
 
him:Just the way you think and say things all the time in this way destroys me, and whenever I mention it you get angry.
You did
 
him:Both of those
You said them
Those were your exact words
When you found out
'I have now lost all respect for you'
 
me:look nothing will change the fact i think the world is rotten
 
him:And almost everything you say is based around this
And I hate every word of it because I can see the poison that eats you alive
 
me:poison that eats me alive?
 
him:That is why, not because of disliking you, but because of the sadness and pain I feel for you all the time
I don't want to get into what I said anymore
But that's your answer
 
 
my problem is this guy is very knowledgeable in many topics from psychology to physics to mathematics. everything he said could be backed up with multiple evidence. thinsg he said could be interpreted in certain ways yet he chooses this. and now i am left thinking if he is right or not. am i really this screwed. the reason i hate humanity is because of what i see every day. people being killed. famine disease. war. poverty, the rich abusing the weak etc. any responses to this would be highly appreciated.
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post #2 of 92
6/18/11 at 11:21pm

if he is a good friend, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt and really think over what he has said-

#does it really, REALLY apply to you?

#does it reflect what you would see if you looked into a mirror as much without bias/ prejudice as possible?

#would what he has said really make you a better person or would you start loathing yourself to the point of self harm and/or worse?

#and most importantly, if what he has said IS true, would you take the time and effort required to make such a dramatic shift from being a (apparently) chronic pessimist to a more optimistic person or would you think you're 'conforming' to everyone else's expectations of you?

 

tbh and no offense, but judging from some of your comments around here, you do tend to get into a lot of arguments with anyone who says or believes something that goes against something you have said. does that make you pessimistic/ rebellious- short answer, No. but it does seem that you go a lot on the defensive and probably that is an attitude which can get mixed up with being seen as rebellious or non-conforming. As you mention in the title, ''how should i react?'' Is it really that important to you? why the need to react to something that can easily be appreciated with a ''Thank you, I'll think about it and try to be better in the future'' or if the relationship with this person is on an acquaintance level at best, just say to him in your best Eric Cartman impression- ''Suck my b*lls bigsmile_face.gif''

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post #3 of 92
6/18/11 at 11:44pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by il1us10n View Post

if he is a good friend, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt and really think over what he has said-

#does it really, REALLY apply to you?

#does it reflect what you would see if you looked into a mirror as much without bias/ prejudice as possible?

#would what he has said really make you a better person or would you start loathing yourself to the point of self harm and/or worse?

#and most importantly, if what he has said IS true, would you take the time and effort required to make such a dramatic shift from being a (apparently) chronic pessimist to a more optimistic person or would you think you're 'conforming' to everyone else's expectations of you?

 

tbh and no offense, but judging from some of your comments around here, you do tend to get into a lot of arguments with anyone who says or believes something that goes against something you have said. does that make you pessimistic/ rebellious- short answer, No. but it does seem that you go a lot on the defensive and probably that is an attitude which can get mixed up with being seen as rebellious or non-conforming. As you mention in the title, ''how should i react?'' Is it really that important to you? why the need to react to something that can easily be appreciated with a ''Thank you, I'll think about it and try to be better in the future'' or if the relationship with this person is on an acquaintance level at best, just say to him in your best Eric Cartman impression- ''Suck my b*lls bigsmile_face.gif''


well thanks for the answer. i honestly don't know if i agree with this or not. it is up for debate. yes i do enjoy debates. and i do like to say my opinion when someone says something against what i know or believe but i don't hold it against anyone, if i were to change i woudl be conforming to what people expect of me and that is not who i am. this is what my personality is. i don't always look at things pessimistically i try to look at things logically. i want to change this world and make it a better place. unfortunately my ideals can be taken in these sorts of ways. but i don't quite know if these are in any way accurate. i assure you i don't listen to metal to be different it is what i enjoy. i don't wear what everyone else wears because it costs lots of money and i could care less not because i want to be the opposite. but everytime i say this is it really true? do i really feel this way or am i trying to go for something entirely different from the norm? i may never understand myself all that much if i don't even know how to interpret these warnings. i want people to enjoy being around me so i try my best to be a kind nice person. yet apparently he thinks this. it saddens me that if i need to change i don't think i know how to.

 

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post #4 of 92
6/19/11 at 12:06am

look at it this way- instead of seeing it as people wanting you to change, think of it as improving yourself. you say that you want to be seen and known as a nice, kind and caring person; you can't do that while presenting yourself as a non-conformist, pessimistic rebel who goes against all the people that care about him. believe me, i used to be in your shoes about 5 years back, lashing out at anyone who disagreed with me, always fighting for my ''ideals'' and what i believed in until it was all thrown back in my face by my then girlfriend and my best friend. it took me months to realize that unless i changed my way of thinking, i'd probably never even get a date, let alone a girlfriend. it's never easy to accept that something is lacking in yourself, you always blame everyone else for withholding you from becoming a better person. i recommend that you read 'the game' by neil strauss. its basically an semi-autobiographical account of how a regular person turned himself into one of the foremost pick-up artists in the world. what does this book have to do with you, you ask? its probably one of the best motivational books i've ever read even though it might not quite be classified as one, something that will encourage you to look at yourself from a completely different point of view and would also give some half decent tips on meeting women ;). besides, i suggest that you discuss this topic (about your behaviour, not meeting women :p) with the people who know you best in real life and care for you rather than someone who is on the other end of the real and virtual world :)

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post #5 of 92
6/19/11 at 12:11am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by il1us10n View Post

look at it this way- instead of seeing it as people wanting you to change, think of it as improving yourself. you say that you want to be seen and known as a nice, kind and caring person; you can't do that while presenting yourself as a non-conformist, pessimistic rebel who goes against all the people that care about him. believe me, i used to be in your shoes about 5 years back, lashing out at anyone who disagreed with me, always fighting for my ''ideals'' and what i believed in until it was all thrown back in my face by my then girlfriend and my best friend. it took me months to realize that unless i changed my way of thinking, i'd probably never even get a date, let alone a girlfriend. it's never easy to accept that something is lacking in yourself, you always blame everyone else for withholding you from becoming a better person. i recommend that you read 'the game' by neil strauss. its basically an semi-autobiographical account of how a regular person turned himself into one of the foremost pick-up artists in the world. what does this book have to do with you, you ask? its probably one of the best motivational books i've ever read even though it might not quite be classified as one, something that will encourage you to look at yourself from a completely different point of view and would also give some half decent tips on meeting women ;). besides, i suggest that you discuss this topic (about your behaviour, not meeting women :p) with the people who know you best in real life and care for you rather than someone who is on the other end of the real and virtual world :)



i will take your advice and try and make some changes. but like i said i have no idea if these are really what i think or if i am being motivated to be different. i believe my intentions were not to be different then the norm but to rather be myself instead of a copy. i don't see anything wrong with that. anyways thank you very much for the responses. i still feel a little like trash though.

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post #6 of 92
6/19/11 at 1:41am

..I see nothing but a 'Christian' from the conversation == (yeah those are annoying to me orz

Its up to you to decide to accept it or not, just be true to what you think. IMO a person can only guess others thoughts by his own way of thinking correlated by some 'biases' from his 'knowledge' about the target and perhaps some other fields like psychology, the accuracy is hard to say ==

From the perspect of a third-party, his words are almost meaningless that I think I'd just simply leave any sentence and goodbye~~ ..hmm

 

To me its just that the world is not flawless just like how I see myself. Make it/myself better? ok, if there is reason that is 'strong' enough for me to 'purposely' do that...

 

I always feel that fulfilling myself is the most important thing for me to keep myself living on (this isn't saying don't care to help others, something like I 'help' myself by helping others..==), I see no needs to even care if I'm different or what.

I live, I observe, and so there is the world. I'm the god of myself, my world ==

...or The world is a rpg, I'm the player, all others are npc..

...etc. LOL


Edited by kn19h7 - 6/19/11 at 1:42am
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post #7 of 92
6/19/11 at 2:14am

If this fellow is arguing from a position of faith, I'd say he's playing you. He trying to manipulate you into his way of thinking, when he should accept and love you with any conditions whatsoever. 

 

I don't know your connection with this person, but i'd tell him to go jump. This sort of egocentric behavior is totally unacceptable. 

 

I'd say your pessimism is a logical response, albeit youthful, to the crap that goes on in this world. You can do something about by being considerate, kind and non judgemental towards other people regardless of your relationship to them. This in my opinion is the path to happiness. Oh and good health and a bad memory as well. Thanks A.S. for that wisdom. 


Edited by leveller1642 - 6/19/11 at 2:15am
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post #8 of 92
6/19/11 at 2:59am

I doubt this person is insulting you. I think he probably means well. If many people give you strong criticisms, you should take the criticisms and work on self improvement.

 

From your posts on Head-fi, I also have the impression that you have an extremely negative view of people. I think you need to be more open minded and more positive.

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post #9 of 92
6/19/11 at 4:04am

From how he's talking, he seems to be your average "righteous" Christian who thinks that your way of thinking isn't right simply because he doesn't think so...quite honestly, he seems to be just as bad as he's making you out to be.   Not to say all Christians are bad, but the "righteous" ones are the ones that piss me off.

 

I think the world is "rotten," in a manner of speaking too - but only really because it's definitely not perfect and there are many, many problems that probably will never be solved.  Humans didn't evolve to be perfect in today's society, they evolved to be perfect (more or less) in old hunter-gatherer society, back when we had to be more aggressive and warlike.  It's a very Christian-like ideal that the world is "perfect" and only the people who go against the grain are the ones who are causing the problems...of course, people going against the grain can cause problems, but people following the masses can be just as problematic in the long run, depending on where the "masses" are headed.  Don't want to be following them if they're heading straight off a cliff, that's for sure.

 

I'm a pessimist by nature.  Not because I want to be, it's just the way I am.  If people can't accept that, screw them.  Seems like you're just the same way...nothing can truly change who you are, no matter how much you would like it to be.

 

Doesn't mean that everyone who thinks differently from you is wrong though.  Not to mention that it's pretty much human nature for young people to be rebellious.  Not all are, but you'd be pretty hard pressed to find anyone who didn't have a rebellious stage...just look at that riot in Vancouver, it's not like all of them were 15-year-olds or anything.  (Of course I'm not defending them, screw them...)

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post #10 of 92
6/19/11 at 4:13am

I'm not quite sure why religion keeps popping in people's minds. It's a bit strange.

 

Encouraging pessimism is probably the worse thing you can suggest. Who wants to be friends with a pessimist? This is bound to just get worse if pessimism rules your life.

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post #11 of 92
6/19/11 at 4:26am
Quote:
Originally Posted by wind016 View Post

I'm not quite sure why religion keeps popping in people's minds. It's a bit strange.

 

Encouraging pessimism is probably the worse thing you can suggest. Who wants to be friends with a pessimist? This is bound to just get worse if pessimism rules your life.



Not really encouraging it, it's just that some people are negative to begin with.  I never asked to be a pessimist - it's not like I like it.  But I'm just chronically depressed, and if you don't have such a condition then it would be nigh impossible for you to know what it's really like.  Of course it's better to be positive - but sometimes that's not always possible.  Endless optimism, I find, is just as annoying as pessimism though, if you ask me.

 

I can act optimistic if I want to.  It's just not the way I really think.  But when I'm talking to normal friends I try my best not to be negative.  But I'm just pretending to be someone I'm not that way.  Not sure how it's better to pretend too much...since it's not going to change how I am.  Maybe this is just the pessimistic side of me talking, but I'm sure others can relate too...

 

Anyway, this thread isn't about me.  Just trying to relate myself here, see what he thinks.

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post #12 of 92
6/19/11 at 8:09am
Always expecting the worst so you won't be disappointed is a bummer. There is beauty and compassion in a human world too. Which do you look for?
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post #13 of 92
6/19/11 at 8:26am

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Camper View Post

Always expecting the worst so you won't be disappointed is a bummer. There is beauty and compassion in a human world too. Which do you look for?


I believe I'm lean towards pessimism, quite similar to what post#12 has described. But I think its 'always expecting the worst as one of the possibilies' instead of that.. ==

 

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post #14 of 92
6/19/11 at 9:26am

 

Quote:
 
 i want people to enjoy being around me so i try my best to be a kind nice person. yet apparently he thinks this. it saddens me that if i need to change i don't think i know how to.

 

How can people enjoy being around you when you admit to hating humanity? I think that may be your problem right there. You can't go through life hating the human race and expect to live and function normally when you yourself are a part of that race. My guess is that you don't hate the human race as a whole but because you don't like a lot of what you see going on in the world, it creates a negative vibe about you. I think that's pretty much all this guy was trying to say to you - don't be so negative. Despite all the bad in the world, there is still a lot of good in it. Instead of worrying about all of the evil and ill will mankind inflicts upon one other, worry about your own life. Keep a positive attitude and try to make the world a better place for those you come into contact on a daily basis, even if it's something as simple as saying "good morning" or a friendly smile.

 

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post #15 of 92
6/19/11 at 11:00am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by zotjen View Post

 

 

How can people enjoy being around you when you admit to hating humanity? I think that may be your problem right there. You can't go through life hating the human race and expect to live and function normally when you yourself are a part of that race. My guess is that you don't hate the human race as a whole but because you don't like a lot of what you see going on in the world, it creates a negative vibe about you. I think that's pretty much all this guy was trying to say to you - don't be so negative. Despite all the bad in the world, there is still a lot of good in it. Instead of worrying about all of the evil and ill will mankind inflicts upon one other, worry about your own life. Keep a positive attitude and try to make the world a better place for those you come into contact on a daily basis, even if it's something as simple as saying "good morning" or a friendly smile.

 



i have many friends that isn't the problem. i say good morning and things like that all the time. i am generally very easy to be around but when i get into debates i tend to spew on the negative side. but not always. i usually say things bad and go on to how i want to change them for the better. i plan on getting into politics to make changes but my chances of succeeding are slim. but i will try. i want to see a better world. i do have hope for humanity its just i haven't seen any hope yet. there is hope and i hope to bring that hope. sorry for my preaching but i am telling you my honest feelings.

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