So Any of You Guys Ever Been Through a Divorce?

The first thing I'll say is protect any of your belongings that you don't want to lose.

 

It sucks to start over in any situation but it hurts more when you loose valuable possesions because of someone elses spite.

 

When you hit by a natural disaster, no one can be blamed.

 

If you're in verbal agreement before you sign any papers you should be alright....but be %1000 positive she can't take anything that you value and do not want to give up.

Nothing positive. CYA and don't take it personal, learn from it and move on. Just don't forget your children, stay in their lives, and don't use them as a tool against your ex.

If she's been supporting your education, or community property income has supported your education, expect to get hit with more than average maintenance. A good friend of mine supported his wife through an MBA degree, she wanted to split the month after, and in the divorce decree, he got half her income.

 

Do you know why lawyers are expensive? They're worth it.

Ah the most important part....children.

 

Yes don't allow her or yourself to use the kids as leverage....thats the source of much of the disfunction in children of divorced parents.

I haven't been divorced.

But I've divorced a lot of people.

First off, this is going to suck. This is going to be one of the worst times of your life. You're going to be miserable and unhappy. But life goes on and you'll get over it. That won't be tomorrow, but I promise you that it will happen.

Second, get a lawyer. Children and real property make for a complex divorce. You need professional help here. If you have trouble choosing someone, hit up everyone you know for a recommendation of a good lawyer - even one that doesn't do divorces. Any trustworthy lawyer will give you a trustworthy referral.

Third, get your support network together. Spend a lot of time with friends and family. Remember that Head-Fi is your friend, too. Feel free to start a thread. A bunch of strangers will come in to support you, which is really cool. This is a great community and someone half the world away might make you feel better. Be sure to give support back, too, when a Member is going through a tough time.

Fourth, take care of the kiddos. If you can negotiate some kind of truce with your ex for the sake of the kids, do it. Don't talk crap about your ex in front of the kids. Even if she's trashing you, just suck it up and be nice. Your kids will pick up on that and you'll get bonus points from them. That's worth it. Also, tell them explicitly that the divorce isn't their fault and that you'll love them no matter what. The kids are going to have a ton of worries. Don't sweep those under the rug. Have frank conversations with them and encourage them to ask questions. Give them bad news straight up - they can handle it and remember that bad news is always better than the fear of the unknown. If they don't know what's going on, they'll start assuming all sorts of horrible things. Just tell them.

Finally, all divorce settlements hang up on really stupid things. I've seen child custody resolved as well as major financial issues, to have the divorce hang up on some minor piece of personal property. Do not let that happen. If you have everything resolved except, for example, an old chair that belonged to your dead aunt, just let it go. It's emotionally difficult, but do not go to trial over something like that. I almost went to trial over a stainless rim that goes around the bed of a truck. It was worth about $200. I drafted a hypothetical bill of costs for trial and gave it to my client. I figured it'd be about $1,500 to contest that and, even then, he might not get it. That took a lot of talk, but I convinced him that it wasn't worth it. So when you get down to the fine points, just give in. Look at the big picture.

Again, don't be afraid to come here for support. Head-Fi will help you get through this.

Be patient with the situation, for there are life and good things on the far side of divorce, even if you can not see it now.  Be as kind as you can to your future ex-wife, but not so much that you don't get an equitable settlement. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-8...