how do you guys get over a break up?

Hi Oscar,

 

Right now you probably have a sense of loss.  Music is therapeutic, yet will definitely get those emotions out.. if that is what you need right now.  Being human and understanding those emotions is natural.  Accepting what has happened presently and focusing on yourself is a great way to move forward.  Finding support in other areas can be: Friends, Family, and Activities that you enjoy.  Going out with your friends spending time with family or focusing your energy in a painting, biking or any type of outdoor activity is great.  I like to go running or workout to release some natural endorphins and get my mind cleared up.  I would suggest not to find a rebound gf.  These don't typically last and don't workout..

 

These things take time, it's how you work with what you have and make the best of it.  As my friends and family have told me.. it didn't workout because it wasn't meant to be.  And it was an experience in your life to learn from.  Hope this helps.

 

-D

Time.

As Dallan said, time is a main factor. The length of time you dated her, how close your relationship was, and how many people you've dated in the past is usually proportional to the amount of time you need recovering before you can get back in the game. In that recovery time, take the opportunity to reconnect with old friends and try some new social activities. Once you get past the tough emotions, take the time to consider the relationship, what worked and what didn't, and place it in the back of your mind as a stepping stone toward finding a new and fulfilling relationship. 

 

Hope that helps, good luck! 

First, cut contact. If someone is still around, it makes me feel worse. If you want to try to be friends, give it at least six months.

Call your friends and family. Go have fun, or just grab a friend and go out for a walk for a few hours.

Take up a new hobby or a project. Have you considered building an amp? Whenever you start thinking about the relationship, go work on the project to get your mind off it.

I don't know if you have Netflix or a similar service, but movies are a good escape. So are books and music.

If you cut out contact and do things to distract yourself every time you start thinking about the relationship, it'll fade away.

If you don't have a pet, consider getting a cat or dog. They're affectionate and happy to see you. Having the cat curled up next to me at night is always a good thing.

Also, keep in mind that there is no one perfect person for you. There are thousands, probably tens of thousands. All you have to do is meet one of them at the right time and place. If one relationship doesn't work, you'll find someone else.

+1 to what Uncle Eric said ^^

 

I'm dragging things back from memory (quite a few years ago) - but one of my biggest was a relatively long relationship in my early twenties.  It had progressed to the point that I'd taken her home to meet my parents - yup, I thought it was getting serious.  Anyway - she broke it off - suddenly.  Cannot ever remember being so crushed - either before, or some 20 years after.  It hurt.  Worst was that she was in my circle of friends (my friends - but they also became hers).  Constantly seeing her made the healing process many times worse.  If you can break contact completely for at least 6 months, do it!

 

Anyway - long story shortened - about a year after the break, I was still considering calling her.  Then I met someone completely different at a party - ironically a party I had no real interest in attending.  Just as well I went.  The girl I met there 20 years ago is now my wife and soul partner (married 18+ years).  I don't believe in fate (your future is what you make it) - but sometimes I do wonder if someone upstairs is giving a helping hand every now and again.

 

Don't ever make the mistake of thinking there is only one person for you - and you've just lost her.  Also - don't keep doing the "what if" scenario - I wasted a year of my life doing that.  Take some time out, then get on with life.  Chances are that someone you meet when least expecting it could become your life partner.  When that connection happens (if you work at it - relationships need work!), your "ex" will stop being a fantasy - and you can see her in a more realistic light.

 

Remember - ultimately this break up is her loss - not yours.

 

Oh - and if it becomes too hard, talk it over with someone you trust - it helps keep things in perspective.

Uncle Erik - The best uncle us head-fiers can have.

 

You know, besides those uncles that are related by blood, name, or family ties.

Break up is really hard, and I'm sorry to hear that you're going through it. When I broke up with my last girlfriend, the only woman that I ever loved, I was totally crushed and really hurt. I was pain that would not wish upon my worst enemy.

 

For a every long time, and even now sometimes, I still miss her. The two things that really helped me were time and music. I would go through moods and certain songs would really catch my attention and I'd literally listen to that song on repeat for hours on end, every day. Every. Single. Day. These moods would last maybe a week or two.

 

One song that I listened to for a particularly long time - in my car, on my mp3 player, on my desktop - was "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt. It was so full of emotion and put into words everything that I was feeling at that point.

 

Just give it time. Things will get better.

Honestly, just time.  Eventually, time heals all.  If you can avoid her for a while, that would certainly help.  Overall, life goes on.  She obviously wasn't right for you, even though you may have thought she was, and that's ok.  At some point you'll meet someone else, and hopefully it'll work out, maybe it won't either.  Eventually something will though, so it's all about hanging in there until it does.  

Get into self improvement. Exercise is a great way to get rid of depression. Find a great new restaurant that may have food you enjoy. Go to the restaurant as you would a date, but by yourself. Get new cloths, get a tan. All the things that make you feel good about yourself with some time will do the trick.

 

Get rid of any material possessions that remind you. Hang out with fun friends who like to go out! There is more fish in the sea.

I used to just get really stoned :/ 

You're totally Welcome!  I think the suggestions you have gotten are all at your disposal and can take what you want from them or what syncs with you.  One of my favorite songs with a break up is:  link.    I have to agree.. I'm fairly new and it seems the folks here @ head-fi are very supportive and friendly.     All in good time.