This joke is totally awesome. - Page 35

NVM

Edited by Kirosia - 1/27/12 at 9:00pm

The punchline is you think people are going to read it 

 

I'm kidding, please don't kill yourself.

Crap, i actually posted in the wrong thread. It's mean to be in the "What made your day awesome" one. My blog is about as funny as the life I live, which is more sad than anything.

I checked it out. A bit offbeat but well written.

Good start 

Note to self:  Wearing headphones doesn't make my farts silent.

Edited by Lazarus Short - 4/25/12 at 12:01pm

 

 

On the same idea: Putting on headphones doesn't turn off the speakers that are plugged into the same source... This can make for some very... interesting situations.

 

 

I will neither confirm nor deny that statement, no comment.

What I will confirm is late night studying, deciding to turn up your music, and getting yelled at to turn it down without ever thinking anyone else could hear it. 

BUTTERED BREAD ON THE BACK OF A CAT: WHAT FALLS FIRST. Daniel D. Van Hoy wrote: >Just think: When you drop a cat from a few feet, it lands upright. >Also think: When you drop a piece of buttered bread, it lands with >the buttered side down >Now think: If you strapped a piece of buttered bread to the back >of a cat, which would land first. First the source of the forces must be understood. The force acting on the bread is not the butter, as some may think. Without the bread, butter wouldn't land bread side up, and therefore the force could not possibly be in the butter. We know the force is not the bread because it has been experimentally proven that bread does not land any particular side down without butter. The bread/butter force is caused by the fusing of bread and butter particles together. This fusion causes energy to be released in the form of shifting gravity and anti-gravity energy to opposite sides of the bread/butter continuum. The gravity energy naturally shifts to the butter since it is denser then the bread, while the anti-gravity energy shifts to the bread side. The energy in a cat for landing on its feet comes from the feet themselves. This has been proven experimentally. Cats without feet have a near zero success rate of landing on their feet. We will call this energy cat foot energy. Considering the equal but opposing bread/butter and cat foot forces one would expect the cat to spin violently about its axis. However the strength of these forces must be considered. A regular cat is not structurally stable enough to withstand the torque the spinning causes. I should not have to describe the way the cat's limbs give way, the way the legs wrench around until the feet are on the same side of the cat as the butter. And thus the cat can then land on its feet, butter side down. We are now researching the possibility of using structurally reinforced cats for levitation systems, but so far the cost is too high to be practical. Several attempts at producing economically viable systems were made by separating the feet so that the instability of the cat would not be a factor. At first there was dificulty because there was no cat to tie the bread to. Later it was discovered that when not attached to a cat the feet lost their cat foot force over time. It is hypothesized that the feet need to be living to exert the cat foot force, and so far no practical method has been found for keeping the feet alive other than a cat. Attempts are also being made to breed flat cats with no legs (only feet). There are many other problems related with this method of levitation as you may well imagine, but they are beyond the scope of this discussion. Harold G Sputsberry PHD Institute for Alternative Energy Research

Question: If you strapped a slice of buttered bread to the back of a cat, which way down would it land? [Well, here's an explication of that question...] I'm glad you asked this question. IF WHEN YOU DROP A BUTTERED PIECE OF BREAD, IT DROPS BUTTER SIDE DOWN AND A CAT ALWAYS LANDS ON ITS FEET. WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU TOOK A PIECE OF BUTTERED BREAD, STRAPPED IT ON THE BACK OF A CAT (BUTTER SIDE UP) AND DROPPED IT OFF CENTERPOINT TOWER? Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash it's furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall. That's right you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies. The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and extremely annoyed aliens crash on top of them.