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This joke is totally awesome. - Page 32

post #466 of 625

True story....


At a wedding party recently someone yelled,


"All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."



The bartender was crushed to death.

post #467 of 625

"…We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here," says the barman. A neutrino walks into a bar…"


As reports spread of subatomic particles moving faster than light and potentially travelling through time, such gags were born.

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post #469 of 625

^ biggrin.gif ^

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post #473 of 625

Ding Dong!




"Sarah Connor?"


"No - it's Chuck Norris!  Been waiting for you, Terminator!!"


Smack!  Whack!  Kick!  Smash!  Tear!  Rip!  Sock!  Pow!  etc, etc, etc...


"Chuck, hyu are tha best...doan forget the CPU..."



post #474 of 625




Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs.

Note: None because gypsies don't have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies.

You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.)

Q: How many Helmsley employees does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: 100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all.

Note: Leona Helmsley is the owner of a New York hotel who was a terrible person to work for.

She fired employees at little or no provocation. She was so nasty to her employees that she was known as the "Queen of Mean".)

Q: How many pot growers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they use fluorescent bulbs instead.

Note: Fluorescent light is closer to natural sunlight than an incandescent bulb,

so anyone using artificial light (which pot growers might do to keep their crops covered and safe from flying, prying eyes)

to grow stuff would probably use fluorescent light rather than incandescent


post #475 of 625

That was really funny!! LOL!

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post #477 of 625

Man asks a tattooist - " Can you do a tattoo of a really beautiful woman ?"


Tattooist - " No problem, where would you like it ? "


Man - " On my wife's face "

post #478 of 625


Edited by tyrael - 12/1/11 at 8:04am
post #479 of 625


I try to avoid asking friends to contribute to causes, but here's one for which I just couldn't resist. 

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington DC. Nothing was moving. 

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. 

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." 

"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

The man replies, "Roughly, a gallon."
post #480 of 625

These are my favorite kinds of jokes (in general). The overanalyzed answers to obvious 'troll' questions. Couldn't stop laughing. I love you internet. 

Originally Posted by tyrael View Post





Edited by MorbidToaster - 12/1/11 at 10:22am
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