Be warned: terrible math/science jokes below.
A neutron walks into a bar. He orders a drink and asks how much it'll be. The bartender looks at him and replies, "For you? No charge."
What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? One molar solution.
What's the difference between a math major and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family.
Heisenberg is driving down the freeway when he gets pulled over by a policeman. The cop goes up to him and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going!?" Heisenberg replies meekly, "No... but I know where I was!"
A mathematician, poet and priest are debating whether a wife or mistress is superior. The priests argues for having a wife as love should be sanctified by God. The poet counters by saying that love is spontaneous and free, so a mistress is better. The mathematician thinks deeply and decides, "I think I'd like to have both. That way, when each of them thinks I'm with the other, I could do some math."
Every mathematical function is at a party (it's a very big party). Everyone is having fun except for lonely e^x over in the corner. Concerned, ln(x) walks over to him and says, "Hey e^x, you're a cool guy, why don't you integrate yourself with the rest of us?" e^x bursts out crying and sobs, "But it wouldn't matter!!"
A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are watching an empty house. After some time a man and woman walk by and enter. A few minutes later, three people leave! The biologist is delighted and yells out, "They multiplied, they multiplied!" The physicist is puzzles and proclaims, "We must have made a mistake in our initial measurements!" He's so concerned he starts to run toward the house to see how he made such a crucial mistake. As he's about to enter the mathematician tackles him and cries, "Stop! If you go inside you'll disappear!" *
*Because there was -1 persons inside. Haha...haha.....ha.....
Okay I think that's enough embarrassing myself right now. I love bad joke threads.