**A Little Math Humor Helps**

1. Why are 6’s afraid of 7’s? Because 7, 8, 9. (Seven ate nine)

2. How do you know if a plant belongs to a math teacher? It has square roots.

3. What did the Whole # say to the fraction? You crack me up.

4. Why do math books cry? They have so many problems.

5. What does an acorn say when it grows up? Geometry. (Gee, I’m a tree)

6. What is an occupied bathroom called on an airplane? A hypotenuse. (High pot in use)

7. What do all sixteenth century mathematicians have in common? They’re all dead.

8. When do mathematicians die? When their number is up.

9. What is a good looking angle called? Acute angle.

10. If you had 12 potatoes and had to divide them among 5 people, how would you do it? Mash them.

11. What is the longest piece of furniture called? The multiplication table.

12. If you faint, what number will revive you? They will bring you 2.

13. What is a metric cookie called? A gram cracker.

14. What number has a day named after it? Two’s day.

15. What runs and runs and never gets anywhere? A clock.

16. What gets bigger and bigger the more you take from it? A hole.

17. Why do math teachers talk to themselves? They think someone is listening.

18. What did the calculator say to the cashier. You can count on me.

19. How many sides does a box have? Two, inside and out.

20. Two’s company, three’s a crowd, what 4 and 5 called? Nine.

21. What has a foot on each end and a foot in the middle? A yardstick.

22. What’s the new chemical symbol for water? HIJKLMNO. (H to O)

23. Why isn’t your nose 12 inches long? Because it would be a foot.

24. What does it mean when you say someone is 288? He’s 2 gross.

25. When do math teachers wear dark glasses? When they have bright students.

26. What did one geologist say to another? Are you going to the rock festival?

27. Why are soccer players so good in math? They use their heads.

28. What kind of skates does a calculator wear? Figure skates.

29. What is a polygon? A lost parrot.

30. If your parents asked why your grades were so low in January, what would you tell them so they would not get upset? That everything is marked down after Christmas.

31. What is the best way to pass a geometry test? By knowing all the angles.

32. What does a hungry math teacher eat? A square meal.

33. Kings always sat on gold, who sits on silver? The Lone Ranger.

34. How do you make seven even? Erase the "s".

35. What is the ancient stone with the multiplications carved on it called? The first concrete example.

36. What do mathematicians call the funny section of the newspaper? The conic sections.

37. Where do mathematicians sit at a banquet? The multiplication table.

38. Why do math teachers bring a ruler to bed. To see how long they slept.

39. A converse in geometry is approaching a theorem from the rear.

40. What is a skydiver called? A dropout.

41. Why did the witch fail out of school. She couldn’t spell.

42. What do you call drawing squares on Dracula? A checking account.

43. What would a teacher say if he lost an eye? I lost my best pupil.

44. What did the digital watch say to its mother? Look Ma, no hands.

45. If you think math vocabulary is strange, look at English. We drive on parkways and park on driveways.

46. What season do kangaroos like best? Spring time.

47. Why are mosquitoes such good mathematicians? They add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply rapidly.

48. Why do some think arithmetic so hard? Because of all the numbers you have to carry.

49. Show that 7 is half of 12? Draw a line across the middle of XII, you have VII.

50. If you were an artist, what color would you paint the sun and the wind? The sun "rose" and the wind "blew".

51. What’s the difference between a train and a teacher? A train says choo choo choo and a teacher says "spit it out".

52. Why aren’t amoebas good at math? They have to divide to multiply.

53. Why are the numbers one though twelve such good detectives? They are always on the watch.

54. What can you tell me about nitrates? They are cheaper than day rates.

55. What did one decimal say to another? Get the point.

56. Add the following: one ton of sawdust, four loose screws, twenty nuts and bolts. Got that all in your head? I thought so.

57. Two trains are on opposite ends of a railroad track traveling toward each other. Engineer A is going 50 mph, Engineer B is traveling at a rate of 40 mph, where will they meet? In the hospital.

58. You should get good grades in geometry. Because you’re a square and you talk in circles.

59. How many feet in a yard? Depends on the number of people.