So you haven't even read it and you say you're a cynic? I think you're using the wrong word...

 

I must admit I started once. Got in a few pages. Loaned to my nephew. (He was doing his Ph.D at the time. He gave it back. I leafed through it a few times along with looking at Escher's artwork.

I keep thinking about reading it, but other books keep pushing it back into the pile...

 

I can be a cynic without having read the book.

 

http://tal.forum2.org/geb20 is a summary of the new edition.

Back on track...

 

What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism?
Capitalism is the exploitation of man by man
Socialism is the exact opposite.

Sure you can, uninformed people make beliefs all the time.

Anyway as a cynic you must have a rebuttal to his suppositions. I'd love to hear them.

 

So do informed people and those who misread the facts.

 

I admit having a giggle at this.

Edited by SiriuslyCold - 6/28/11 at 6:46pm

Son’s 21st Birthday
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.

The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.

Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pop out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant “Take another drink”! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left…. then to the right…. right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.

The bartender sighs and says, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”

Blond’s Birthday Interview

A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview on 21st Birthday.
The interviewer starts with the basics.
“So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?”
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying “Ehhhh… 21!”
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice.
“And can you tell us your height, please?”

The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces “Five foot two!”

This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won’t have to count, measure, or lookup.
“Just to confirm for our records, your name please?”

The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying “MANDY!”

The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -
“What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name?”

“Ohhhh, that!” replies the airhead…
” I was just running through that song -
‘Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear…’ ”

Redneck Funny

Little Johnny Jokes

Dumb Blonde Jokes I

Working definition of a cynic:

 

If you amuse a cynic, they will laugh.

If you disgust a cynic, they will laugh.

   "Jesus Knows You're Here"  ......A burglar broke into a house the other night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said "JESUS Knows You Are Here"....He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.   When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued....  Just as he pulled the brand new HD 800's, new Dac and Tube amp out to disconnect the cables, clear as a bell he heard "Jesus Is Watching You"...... Freaked out, He shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice..... Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot....."Did You Say That?" he hissed at the parrot. "YEP", the parrot confessed, then squawked, I'm just trying to warn you that He is watching you."....The burglar relaxed. Warn me, huh? "Who are you?"  "Moses," replied the bird.  "Moses?" the burglar laughed.  "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"      "The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler JESUS"!!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

A wealthy older man meets a 25 year-woman at a resort, they start chatting and really hit it off. They spend more and more time together and realize that they're in love.

Just one problem, being older, the man has trouble performing in bed.

So the couple goes off to a doctor. The doctor tells them that things are too far gone, but that there's a new, experimental surgery they could try. The doctor explains that the man could have a baby elephant's trunk transplanted.

The man isn't really interested, but his girlfriend talks him into it.

The surgery is success and the happy couple spends many nights using the new equipment. Eventually, they decide to get married.

At the wedding rehearsal dinner, the soon-to-be bride starts feeling a little frisky and starts fondling her future husband under the table. He gets excited. All of a sudden, the trunk leaps out, reaches across the table and grabs a potato.

The entire table goes silent.

After a minute, the bride's mother says, "I have no idea what that was, but I'd like to see it again."

The man says, "I would, but I don't think I can fit another potato in my ass."
Edited by Uncle Erik - 7/2/11 at 3:26pm

BAN DIHYDROGEN MONOXIDE! THE INVISIBLE KILLER

Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year.

Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there.

Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage.

ymptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.

For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means death.

Dihydrogen monoxide:

* is also known as hydric acid, and is the major component of acid rain.

* contributes to the "greenhouse effect."

* may cause severe burns.

* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.

* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.

* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of automobile brakes.

* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.

CONTAMINATION IS REACHING EPIDEMIC PROPORTIONS!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake, and reservoir in America today.

But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. In the midwest alone DHMO has caused millions of dollars of property damage.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

* as an industrial solvent and coolant.

* in nuclear power plants.

* in the production of styrofoam.

* as a fire retardant.

* in many forms of cruel animal research.

* in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical.

* as an additive in "junk-foods" and other food products.

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers and the ocean, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal.

The impact on wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!

THE HORROR MUST BE STOPPED!

The American government has refused to ban the production, distribution, or use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic health of this nation."

In fact, the navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multi-billion dollar devices to control and utilize it during warfare situations.

Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly sophisticated underground distribution network. Many store large quantities for later use.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE!

Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about this dangerous chemical.

 

What you don't know CAN hurt you and others throughout the world.

The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary

Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.

Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation.

Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed.

Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth.

This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.

Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable.

Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.

Biological Science: A contradiction in terms.

Bunsen Burner: A device invented by Robert Bunsen (1811-1899) for brewing coffee in the laboratory, thereby enabling the chemist to be poisoned without having to go all the way to the company cafeteria.

Butyl: An unpleasant-sounding word denoting an unpleasant-smelling alcohol.

CAI: Acronym for "Computer-Aided Instruction".

The modern system of training professional scientists without ever exposing them to the hazards and expense of laboratory work. Graduates of CAI-based programs are very good at simulated research.

Cavendish: A variety of pipe tobacco that is reputed to produce remarkably clear thought processes, and thereby leads to major scientific discoveries; hence, the name of a British research laboratory where the tobacco is smoked in abundance.

Chemical: A substance that:
1. An organic chemist turns into a foul odor;
2. an analytical chemist turns into a procedure;
3. a physical chemist turns into a straight line;
4. a biochemist turns into a helix;
5. a chemical engineer turns into a profit.

Chemical Engineering: The practice of doing for a profit what an organic chemist only does for fun.

Chromatography: (From Gr. chromo [color] + graphos [writing]) The practice of submitting manuscripts for publication with the original figures drawn in non-reproducing blue ink.

Clinical Testing: The use of humans as guinea pigs. (See also PHARMACOLOGY and TOXICOLOGY)

Compound: To make worse, as in: 1) A fracture; 2) the mutual adulteration of two or more elements.

Computer Resources: The major item of any budget, allowing for the acquisition of any capital equipment that is obsolete before the purchase request is released.

Eigen Function: The use to which an eigen is put.

En: The universal bidentate ligand used by coordination chemists.

For years, efforts were made to use ethylene-diamine for this purpose, but chemists were unable to squeeze all the letters between the corners of the octahedron diagram.

The timely invention of en in 1947 revolutionized the science.

Evaporation Allowance: The volume of alcohol that the graduate students can drink in a year's time.

Exhaustive Methylation: A marathon event in which the participants methylate until they drop from exhaustion.

First Order Reaction: The reaction that occurs first, not always the one desired. For example, the formation of brown gunk in an organic prep.

Flame Test: Trial by fire. Genetic Engineering: A recent attempt to formalize what engineers have been doing informally all along.

Grignard: A fictitious class of compounds often found on organic exams and never in real life.

Inorganic Chemistry: That which is left over after the organic, analytical, and physical chemists get through picking over the periodic table.

Mercury: (From L. Mercurius, the swift messenger of the gods) Element No. 80, so named because of the speed of which one of its compounds (calomel, Hg2Cl2) goes through the human digestive tract.

The element is perhaps misnamed, because the gods probably would not be pleased by the physiological message so delivered.

Monomer: One mer. (Compare POLYMER).

Natural Product: A substance that earns organic chemists fame and glory when they manage to systhesize it with great difficulty, while Nature gets no credit for making it with great ease.

Organic Chemistry: The practice of transmuting vile substances into publications.

Partition Function: The function of a partition is to protect the lab supervisor from shrapnel produced in laboratory explosions.

Pass/Fail: An attempt by professional educators to replace the traditional academic grading system with a binary one that can be handled by a large digital computer.

Pharmacology: The use of rabbits and dogs as guinea pigs. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, TOXICOLOGY).

Physical Chemistry: The pitiful attempt to apply y=mx+b to everything in the universe.

Pilot Plant: A modest facility used for confirming design errors before they are built into a costly, full-scale production facility.

Polymer: Many mers. (Compare MONOMERS).

Prelims: (From L. pre [before] + limbo [oblivion]) An obligatory ritual practiced by graduate students just before the granting of a Ph.D. (if the gods are appeased) or an M.S. (if they aren't).

Publish or Perish: The imposed, involuntary choice between fame and oblivion, neither of which is handled gracefully by most faculty members.

Purple Passion: A deadly libation prepared by mixing equal volumes of grape juice and lab alcohol.

Quantum Mechanics: A crew kept on the payroll to repair quantums, which decay frequently to the ground state.

Rate Equations: (Verb phrase) To give a grade or a ranking to a formula based on its utility and applicability. H=E, for example, applies to everything everywhere, and therefore rates an A. pV=nRT.

On the other hand, is good only for nonexistent gases and thus receives only a D+, but this grade can be changed to a B- if enough empirical virial coefficients are added.

Research: (Irregular noun) That which I do for the benefit of humanity, you do for the money, he does to hog all the glory.

Sagan: The international unit of humility.

Scientific Method: The widely held philosophy that a theory can never be proved, only disproved, and that all attempts to explain anything are therefore futile.

SI: Acronym for "Systeme Infernelle".

Spectrophotometry: A long word used mainly to intimidate freshman nonmajors.

Spectroscope: A disgusting-looking instrument used by medical specialists to probe and examine the spectrum.

Toxicology: The wholesale slaughter of white rats bred especially for that purpose. (See also CLINICAL TESTING, PHARMACOLOGY).

X-Ray Diffraction: An occupational disorder common among physicians, caused by reading X-ray pictures in darkened rooms for prolonged periods.

The condition is readily cured by a greater reliance on blood chemistries; the lab results are just as inconclusive as the X-rays, but are easier to read.

Ytterbium: A rare and inconsequential element, named after the village of Ytterby, Sweden (not to be confused with Iturbi, the late pianist and film personality, who was actually Spanish, not Swedish).

Ytterbium is used mainly to fill block 70 in the periodic table. Iturbi was used mainly to play Jane Powell's father.