Being a good father thread - Page 2

I'll chime in from a different point of view, not as an expecting or present-day father but as a daughter. My father always doted on me in that gruff but attentive way that I believe is characteristic of all great men. He made sure I lacked for nothing - of course the major things, like health and education, but also the small things - he used to wake very early and walk me out to the car every morning before school. This practice continued even through my senior year of high school. During the summer, he made midnight gas runs when he noticed my tank getting low so I wouldn't have to stop at a station in the morning before work (I commuted out of state). These little gestures seem little, but they are profound and have always been cherished by me.

I asked him once what made him greater than all other fathers (in my eyes), and he responded it was the same thing that made me a good kid. I think that was the best compliment I ever got.

Just a few words of opinion.Good luck with fatherhood. If you make a true effort, I'm sure you'll do amazing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by AudioDwebe 

I think just the fact that you're considering (and worried) about becoming a good father now tells me that you'll be one of the good ones.

 

The most important thing you'll ever be able to give your child?  Your time, and lots of it!  Good quality time.  Or just sitting on the couch, holding your kid and eating popcorn.  Doesn't matter.  Time. 

 

Cheers.

 

Mamoru

 

 

This is bang on.  I have raised 3 great children.  2 have graduated from university and started great careers with the 3rd going into his 4th year.

One important piece of advise is to remember that you're a parent and not a friend.  The time for friendship comes with their adulthood.  I have seen too many children run into problems because the mother/father wanted to be friends first.

A second piece of advise is to lead by example.

It was mentioned elsewhere but generate an interest in reading.  Children (people) who read are much more adept at learning.  Do this by example.  If you spend all your time playing games on the computer, your child is likely to do the same.

Make sure your child is part of your life.  We did everything with our children.  We didn't really forfeit anything.  We dined out and we did our holidays as a family.  Nothing bugs me more when someone says that they're not going to do Disneyland until their child is old enough to remember the trip.  The child may not remember but you certainly will and the special moments you have there will last a life time.

Darcy

Quote:

Originally Posted by hahahigh 

I'll chime in from a different point of view, not as an expecting or present-day father but as a daughter. My father always doted on me in that gruff but attentive way that I believe is characteristic of all great men. He made sure I lacked for nothing - of course the major things, like health and education, but also the small things - he used to wake very early and walk me out to the car every morning before school. This practice continued even through my senior year of high school. During the summer, he made midnight gas runs when he noticed my tank getting low so I wouldn't have to stop at a station in the morning before work (I commuted out of state). These little gestures seem little, but they are profound and have always been cherished by me.

 

I asked him once what made him greater than all other fathers (in my eyes), and he responded it was the same thing that made me a good kid. I think that was the best compliment I ever got.

 

This was really touching.  Thank you for sharing this.  I was reminded that these little things we fathers do can make a difference.

I look at my 4 year old daughter and smile every day. So sweet and inquisitive.   She is the reason I was put on this earth and I take that responsibility very seriously even though I am lost on what to do most of the time.  My one and a half year old son is a holy terror but I love him just as much.   They both love music and my headphones(oh no!).   

To the OP.  Good luck,  you will be fine.   

Stay-at-home dad of two little boys here - they're both napping now.

Firstly, having kids is great in ways too numerous to mention, yada yada yada.

Secondly, as has been pointed out, it involves a lot of sacrifice.  Sorry to the uncles and other relations who have chimed in, but I was an uncle prior to being a father, and the experience was not even close to being mildly applicable to parenthood.  The sacrifice is well worth it, and one gets used to it in time, but it's still there.  

[melodrama] Any money you spend on audio gear is taken from a college fund, unless you decide to put the kids in daycare and have both parents working, in which case you have more money for their future education and your toys, possibly at the expense of their long-term well-being (don't blame me - this is documented by psychological studies!  ).  Anything you want to do takes at least three times as long when they are young.  Any hope you had of having a good night's sleep is long gone.  Everyone wants to judge you for the choices you make as a parent, as you in turn judge other parents.  And finally, you will see your friends a lot less, because they don't have kids yet and every social gathering they invite you to starts after your kids' bedtime. [/melodrama]

Your mileage may vary of course.  But, the most important thing is that your kids are your most important legacy.  When you are gone, they will remain in your place.  So, go for it!  Procreate!  But do the things that parents don't get to do, as much as you can, before they arrive.  Travel.  Buy stuff.  Build stuff.  Be selfish now.  But don't get too used to it.  

And finally, here is an article to which I relate very much:

Oh, and about being a good father, don't worry about it.  Just love them, be patient and roll with it.  There's not a whole lot of advance prep you can do before they arrive, and after they arrive there will be so many issues to address that having a single strategy which fits into a head-fi discussion thread will be impossible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darcyb62 

This is bang on.  I have raised 3 great children.  2 have graduated from university and started great careers with the 3rd going into his 4th year.

 

One important piece of advise is to remember that you're a parent and not a friend.  The time for friendship comes with their adulthood.  I have seen too many children run into problems because the mother/father wanted to be friends first.

 

A second piece of advise is to lead by example.

 

It was mentioned elsewhere but generate an interest in reading.  Children (people) who read are much more adept at learning.  Do this by example.  If you spend all your time playing games on the computer, your child is likely to do the same.

 

Make sure your child is part of your life.  We did everything with our children.  We didn't really forfeit anything.  We dined out and we did our holidays as a family.  Nothing bugs me more when someone says that they're not going to do Disneyland until their child is old enough to remember the trip.  The child may not remember but you certainly will and the special moments you have there will last a life time.

 

Darcy

Several pieces of wonderful advice here.

I do feel that, dependent upon the circumstances and the respective personalities of both the parents and the child, it is entirely possible to be a friend first to your children without spoiling their habits and corrupting their future. Boundaries must be established and both parties (but particularly the child in question) must adhere to them, but provided that these laws are in place and enforced without compromise, it can be done without issue.

My parents are closer to my heart than all of my friends combined. I am comfortable enough to do certain things in their presence that astounds my peers - I crack dirty jokes without a second thought, curse, grumble, poke fun at strangers, and tell them about boys or even boyfriends (gasp). In return for the freedom to do these things, a freedom that is not afforded to everyone my age, I make sure to carry my burden in the relationship also, and make the job of being parents as easy as possible for them. My parents are conservative in nature but have raised me in a very liberal way that has raised no small number of eyebrows even within our family. They are more guiding best friends than mom and dad. At the end of the day, I can find no fault with their method, and hope that I can raise my children half as well as they have raised me.  It's not for everyone in every circumstance, I don't think, but it can be very rewarding if done right.

Just be patient.  Spend lots of time with them (in the beginning it's all eating,sleeping,pooping-figure out which component or combination is missing and you're all set).  Kids need attention: so learn how to enjoy playing with toys with them,reading them books like No More Monkeys Jumping on the Bed 4x, play with play-doe,etc.  You pose a good question, so I'm sure the "sacrafice" part won't be as difficult.