Being a good father thread

Dont worry about being a good father. When you hold and see your baby for the first time, being selfish wont be in your mind. Enjoy making the purchases now because when the baby comes that money might be going to buy the baby things it needs.

Nothing will make you prouder holding your child for the first time. Congratulations on the marriage. My son is 4 now "Little Poppa" or "Gabezilla" depending who you talk to? Children make life a complete joy, really!

Do uncles count?  I've been at it for almost 12 years.  I haven't reproduced yet, but there are three little ones literally down the street that I see all the time.

 

First, nothing is going to prepare you for the emotional part.  From what I've seen, the first one is a massive life changer.  Everything will be different, but my sister and brother-in-law adjusted and are really happy with the family.  So expect a life change, but keep in mind that you'll get through it.

 

Second, put your affairs in order.  If you don't have a will and some estate planning, do it.  Make plans for what could happen.  One of the best ways is to take out a substantial term life policy on each of you and set that up to "pour over" into a trust for the survivors if the worst happens.  That way, you'll know that your family will be taken care of.

 

Look into setting up a 401k or IRA for the kid.  If you start at $1,000 and contribute $1,000 a year for 65 years, and assume an interest rate of 5%, that compounds to over $500,000 when the kid retires.  That's one of the best gifts you can give and it doesn't cost that much.  Toss $100 a month in and your kid will be secure at retirement.

 

Start collecting books.  I read that a library of around 500 books makes a significant difference in academic ability.  My niece and nephews got lucky - my mother, sister and aunt are teachers and I'm an English major who was bent on getting the kids into reading.  So the kids were swamped with stuff to read from birth.  They have at least a few thousand books around the house and have read most of them.  For years now, I hit junk stores and garage sales to find more books for the kids.  (By the way, this has the side benefit of turning up records, CDs, old audio gear, and other toys.)  Buy anything that looks interesting - they love older books, too.

 

The children were read to every night from about six months on and all three started reading on their own between two and three.  It's a huge advantage to start school being able to read and they get great grades.  Their parents enjoy tossing new books at the kids - they go off to quietly read by themselves.

 

My youngest nephew turned six today.  Among other stuff, I got him a bunch of books from the Salvation Army.  One Eric Carle (highly recommended) book stopped him in the middle of opening presents and he started reading it.  We had to sort of pry it out of it his hands with a promise that Grandma would read it with him later to get him to open the rest of the gifts.  Yhe other two have already borrowed from the new books (they're good at sharing) and started working through them.

 

Parks and museums are wonderful once kids get a little older.  They're usually cheap or free, and they love going.

 

TV time and videogames are limited.  Games are limited and 95% of videos are DVDs that are put on only by the parents.  Moat of the time, the kids are doing schoolwork, reading or visiting with friends and family.  That's better than just sitting in front of the TV.

 

And there's a lot more, but that stuff seems to have worked out well for these three.  They are very well socialized, have picked up almost frightening amounts of information from reading, do well in school, and are fun to be around.

 

When I (eventually) settle down, this is what I'll do with my own.  Now if I could just find a toy soldering iron....

 

 

These guys nailed it.  It will come naturally, I promise you.  Sure did for me.  And as they get older, you will have fun sharing music with them, and maybe even hi-fi.  Here is my son with me at CanJam - he had a blast, and my enjoyment of it was 10X having him with me:

 

 

More about mothering, but you'll get the idea:

 

http://www.breastfeeding.com/lighter_side/lighter_side_stories_three.html

I'm in the exact same boat as you. Just married and moving into our new house next weekend. Kids to follow shortly.

 

My strategy is to shift focus onto what you enjoy about the toys you have and learn to love them instead of loving the idea of something new. You love your wife and aren't looking to upgrade her are you? Keep the same mentality with your gear! Eventually you'll find a healthy balance. There will still be opportunities to get new things you want, like bdays and christmas.

 

X3 on the coming natural part. My only child is 12 and when he arrived my fears about becoming a father were wiped away. I have a selfish nature but my priorities were instantly changed. When your day arrives, your love for that baby will overpower any doubts.

I have 3 children with the youngest being 23......the best advice i can give you is watch who their friends are. My 2 oldest are boys and they got involved with singing in a church choral choir at a young age and still love it to this day....they have toured England with this chior and have met many upstanding people through their time there. Sadly my youngest child (daughter) fell in with the wrong crowd and is not the upstanding person my wife and I had hoped for. Now that she is approching mid 20's she is coming around to the advice we have tried to tell her. They all are so different so it will be up to you to see and react...you wouldn't think this but it is true. Good luck and stay involved....but remember the teen years are the hardest because they think they know so much more than you...appreciation is irellevent because they know nothing else.

 

 

YES - uncles count!!

 

I'm not married, probably won't and so won't have children. But I'm very close with my nephew, who is going to turn 12 early next year. I worry that he doesn't listen to any music ... there is little to no music played in my sister's home and all the kid every does on the mother's iPod Touch is play games. Apparently, my sister told him rock and roll is evil . When my nephew slept over a few years ago, I introduced him to some music and he was intrigued. He was also fascinated with my Foobar setup - think it was the peak meter spectrum panel that did it! When he grows old I shall introduce him to more music ... seems he will be an iTunes / Mac person as that's what his school uses. Lucky kid already has a MacBook Pro!
 

 

I think just the fact that you're considering (and worried) about becoming a good father now tells me that you'll be one of the good ones.

 

The most important thing you'll ever be able to give your child?  Your time, and lots of it!  Good quality time.  Or just sitting on the couch, holding your kid and eating popcorn.  Doesn't matter.  Time. 

 

Cheers.

 

Mamoru

 

 

X3 on spending time. Spend as much time as you can with the kid. The first three years are critical, so be around as much as possible. Give as much attention as you can and pay attention to what the kid likes. Encourage whatever they show interest in and be there to support and help out. It's funny how personalities set in early. My niece is bookish (:)) so we make sure she has plenty to read. One nephew likes science, so he gets books and things to encourage that.

You'll understand what your kiddo likes in a few years, so go with whatever he/she shows an interest in. They're all different, so make sure there's positive encouragement for whatever is interesting.

I agree with those that say it will come naturally, but that doesn't mean you don't have to work at it.

 

Stay as involved as you can with them.  I had the good fortune to be able to work from home for about 10 years (starting when our oldest was six and the youngest was a baby).  Could have made more money with a "real job" but those years really bonded me with the boys - I wouldn't trade that for anything. 

 

Our older son and I built a computer together when he was 7, he TA'd for his IT teacher in high school and he's now a college junior majoring in computer science.  He still talks about building that PC together. 

 

Our younger son plays baseball, and I've coached his teams since he started playing T-Ball at 4.  We built a pitcher's mound in our back yard so he could practice pitching, and I can't count the number of bruises I've picked up over the years catching for him.  He tells me I need a 12 step program for baseball addiction but I know he loves it, and he's hoping to make his high school team next Spring as a freshman.

 

Be there to help them with school work, even if (like me) you have to become a frequent visitor to the algebrafordummies.com site.

 

Laugh at their jokes, even when they are not funny.

 

Let them know you love them unequivocally. 

 

Remember that you can point them in the right direction, but you can't make them go there.

 

Enjoy every minute.  Our boys are 21 and 15, and I can't believe how fast it has all flown by.