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transgression  

post #1 of 3
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Sept. 20, 2007.

"A wise man once said – “You can have anything in life if you’re willing to sacrifice everything else for it.” What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you’re willing to lose. Too often going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you’ve spent a lifetime building. Of course the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don’t see coming. When we don’t have time to come up with a strategy to pick sides….or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that’s when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear." - Meredith

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Nov. 7, 2007.

Jim: C’mon. I don’t want to do that. I want to be more than that.
Pam: I can’t. I’m really sorry … if you misinterpreted things. It’s probably my fault.
Jim: Not your fault. I’m sorry I misinterpreted uh our friendship.

Why is it that friendships between men and women often arrive at that point? A moment of tense awkwardness that nothing can break, but could swing in either direction just as easily. In a sense it seems unfair that there's no way to foresee the consequences for those actions. And when it's done, it's done. But in that very brief moment you hold your breath, you have that hope, with a tint of despair, and you feel the world slow to a halt. You see the eyes drop, you wonder what they're thinking. In that silence you search your feelings, you ask yourself if this is the right thing. It could be the most difficult experience that you'll ever have to go through. And just as you run the full gamut of possibilities and scenarios the answer arrives.

It cuts through the fog like the hot, summer sun. You're wondering what just happened, am I really living this moment? The hopes and daydreams fade into a white background noise, then red, and finally just black. I've made a fool of myself. I want to go home and hide under the blanket. Is there anything else I can do? No, there isn't. And thus it ends half-heartedly, unlike the way it began.

A friend of mine once said that relationships can take a piece of your heart away from you. And that hole that's left makes itself known in every aspect of your life. Much like those shape-fitting puzzle games they have at pediatrician and pre-school offices, you'll try and fit every shape and size to make yourself feel better, but nothing will fit properly. So instead, let it scar over. Every once in a while people catch lucky breaks and things just happen to work out. More often than not expect the rejection. I'm not saying don't try, but only if you think it's worth it, and worth what you're about to do. In a previous entry I quoted Meredith from Grey's Anatomy. The battle chose me this time, and the sacrifice turned out to be more than I could bear. But should this be the end? Would I really want to go through all that again? Would you?
post #2 of 3
In my experience it's always the guy who has the problem with wanting friendships to be relationships. So many guys get into that "friend zone" where their female friend thinks of them as basically a woman. And they stay there for so long, months or years, then suddenly spring this confession of love on the girl... how can you expect her to respond with anything except a no? A woman won't suddenly start seeing a man as a lover when she's already decided he's just a friend (AKA not masculine). Of course sometimes it's the other way around, but I think in 99% of cases it's the man's fault for not seeing the situation as it really is.
post #3 of 3
The old laws of nature still apply to a lot of situations.
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