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The relationships that people have matter greatly to themselves that some are willing to go great lengths to ensure its survival. There are few people that I keep in contact with on a regular basis. Years ago I tried very hard to keep my friendships active, and it dawned on me that this was a fruitless venture. Since then I have made an effort to keep the few friends I have close to me. One friend I made a great amount of effort to stay in contact with, and it seems to me, to little avail. It has been said that friends come and go. This I chose to believe in light of circumstances over the past few years.

I have known this person for 5 years. I have stayed in regular contact since the beginning. All this because I believed again this was worth the reciprocation of that friendship. We can both attest to both our good times and bad, when life was giving us apples and threw at us lemons. And I never believed that this was in vain. So sure was this that I couldn't find something I couldn't do for the friend. Finally today, I didn't feel so right about this anymore. I think we're all naturally busy people. If we weren't busy then we'd have more than enough time for each other, God willing, to stay in contact and spend time. But when a person sacrifices so much of himself because he knows that the friendship is worth it, and then comes to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't, how does it reflect on the quality of that relationship to begin with? The content of this relationship is analyzed, its composition understood, the companionship rendered on its face a solid foundation of support, yet when pulled apart I see the very bonds made of little else than a mere acquaintance.

I'm not dating. I don't seek to date, nor do I seek some sort of intimate relationship, not now at least. I've felt that my friendships were more than enough support to keep me going. Last year, before Christmas, I had written that there are many around me, people that I have known who have entered into serious relationships and now married. They have entered a stage of life where they have found their soulmate, a person who they will share their good times and bad, their apples and lemons, their property and aspirations, their dreams and their fears. A year later, I have yet to find that, but I have always felt that the friends around me can share in these moments, and I can rely on them for support. For this friend, I wanted to believe that I didn't need some spiritual and intimate partner to share these things with. Perhaps I am wrong in that assumption.

Life hardly follows principle and we hardly think about the grace given to us through our fraternal bonds. Only through the good that is shown to us do we have latent memory of that grace, and by that time we believe it too late to do anything about it. So it stands to reason that I should contact this person and provide these grievances in the hopes of redress. But this isn't a person before a court of equity asking for justice. Friendships weren't made of equity, and these relationships weren't born out of mistrust for one another. To speak of injustice only cheapens the quality of our relationship, of which I can't find the strength to muster because I still believe that this bond is genuine. All I can do is continue to hope and I wish not to lose this hope, because if I should, what I have left is only despair. And this is a despair where no remedy can be found but to be replaced by fear. A fear that I can share with no one but myself.