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How miserable can one be? - Page 3

post #31 of 91
5/1/10 at 11:10pm
Ouch man! That happened to my Uncle. Sadly it was his best friend who did it to him, although his now ex-wife was a horribly shallow person.

I think it is impossible to not be crushed by that sort of thing, but at least the truth came out quite quickly... some poor people find out this stuff waaay down the line!

At times like these I watch "Rocky Balboa". It is one of my favorite movies, and I find that the simple message of "keep moving forward" is inspirational.
Use your new found spare time. Don't sit around dwelling on things. Go for a walk/run, go rock climbing, do something you have wanted to do for a while but not had the time.

You might surprise yourself. Best of luck mate.

EDIT: Listen to Uncle Erik. He speaks the truth. A good lawyer can be your best friend at times like these... It worked for my uncle.
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post #32 of 91
5/1/10 at 11:11pm
A thing I've learned, which will be useful for the future is, if you don't, as a husband, put as much energy into your marriage as possible, then you end up with a broken relationship or broken family. If you're not willing to sacrifice your hobby for your wife, then she will look elsewhere for someone who will devote themselves to her rather than their hobby.
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post #33 of 91
5/1/10 at 11:16pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currawong View Post
A thing I've learned, which will be useful for the future is, if you don't, as a husband, put as much energy into your marriage as possible, then you end up with a broken relationship or broken family. If you're not willing to sacrifice your hobby for your wife, then she will look elsewhere for someone who will devote themselves to her rather than their hobby.
It goes both ways Currawong. If she truly loves you and respects you then she will be able to understand how much your hobby will mean to you and will give you space. I am not saying pass on celebrating your aniversary because you spent all your money on headphones, but there has to be some give and take.
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post #34 of 91
5/1/10 at 11:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currawong View Post
A thing I've learned, which will be useful for the future is, if you don't, as a husband, put as much energy into your marriage as possible, then you end up with a broken relationship or broken family. If you're not willing to sacrifice your hobby for your wife, then she will look elsewhere for someone who will devote themselves to her rather than their hobby.
Very Well Said,there are 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing 1,if she had been happy she would still be there.

I do not subscribe to its the Woman's fault all the time,there has to be a very good reason why they throw everything away and leave.

PS.Arguing about spending $6000 on a R10 could send a lot of marriages to the wall,especially so if the money is needed elsewhere.
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post #35 of 91
5/2/10 at 12:14am
Thread Starter 
She introduced me to her old friend 3 months back. The R10 is the first headphone investment i was going make in the marriage. Which was about last month i believe. I honestly don't know what happened. And why things turned out the way they did, but after 6 years of dating and 1.5 years of marriage, this is the biggest slap in the face i've ever gotten.

I've never cheated on my wife, nor have i planned to. We were just talking about our plan for kids in the future around last month also. I really don't know what happened. I think i've tried quite a bit to keep us together, i never even saw signs. Or maybe i was blind. Either way, even if she wasn't happy, going behind someone's back is never the answer.

I'm no longer in the house, nor do i want to go back. The memories it holds is going to eat me alive.

I basically am just going to take a long road trip. Currently at a Perkins outside of Chicago. Time for a White Sox game whenever they're in town. And yes i will be at Can Jam, can't wait to catch you guys there!! The more people the better, being alone is just too damn depressing.
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post #36 of 91
5/2/10 at 12:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepsi View Post
Either way, even if she wasn't happy, going behind someone's back is never the answer.
True that. If she was unhappy she should have communicated with you.

Quote:
I basically am just going to take a long road trip. Currently at a Perkins outside of Chicago. Time for a White Sox game whenever they're in town. And yes i will be at Can Jam, can't wait to catch you guys there!! The more people the better, being alone is just too damn depressing.
Good idea. Take a vacation to somewhere you love (I like the beach ) that's relaxing where you can find time to better compose yourself and distance yourself from the memories. And being with friends never hurts.

Best of luck, really. Everything will get better, but that shouldn't happen to anyone. It doesn't sound (from where I'm sitting) like this was under your control. Just roll with it for now. Preferably with a large set of cans.
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post #37 of 91
5/2/10 at 12:38am
Quote:
Originally Posted by ford2 View Post
Very Well Said,there are 2 sides to every story and we are only hearing 1,if she had been happy she would still be there.

I do not subscribe to its the Woman's fault all the time,there has to be a very good reason why they throw everything away and leave.

PS.Arguing about spending $6000 on a R10 could send a lot of marriages to the wall,especially so if the money is needed elsewhere.
I agree, however you have to take into account that she will be saying it was his fault that the marriage ended (god knows how many times I've seen a marriage end only to have either party blaming the other).

Regardless, the spending of $6000 is a rather small thing to cheating - especially when you take into account the opportunity for resell if the need for money ever comes a long. Cheating is, in a sense the ultimate betrayal by any party (short of murder I guess) and frankly there is no justification for it. If you can't stay faithful, you shouldn't be in a relationship; there would be no truth behind it, and truth, mixed with trust (which is obviously gone now), should be the basis of any relationship.

It'll be okay Pepsi, just remember that the R10 does aural sex better than she ever did
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post #38 of 91
5/2/10 at 12:41am
Wow dude! So sorry to hear about this but better that it happened now, early on. Uncle Erik gave you some great advice and I suggest you follow that.

Women will come and go. Life will sort itself out but for now, go out and have fun. I think most guys have found themselves in such a situation so don't feel alone. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me as well.
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post #39 of 91
5/2/10 at 12:45am
Please accept my humble condolence,being recently married myself,I could only imagine what painstaking moment it must be in your life,time heels mate.
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post #40 of 91
5/2/10 at 2:31am
Thread Starter 
Well, i'm actually staying at a motel here in Chicago. I must say it feels damn good to be the City is love. Lots of people, very lively, not as depressing as Iowa. And once again i thank you guys very much for everything. Head-Fi is filled with wonderful people, I can honestly say that.
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post #41 of 91
5/2/10 at 3:19am
Sorry to hear about it, man. But follow Uncle Erik's advice (it's often pretty spot on), and get it all behind you. Never had to deal with anything this major, but anytime I reach a low in life, the faster I work to get it behind me, the better I feel.
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post #42 of 91
5/2/10 at 3:21am
Sorry to hear about your marriage Pepsi. relationships are always difficult to manage and some just don't work out as we hope it would.
I think you got some great support and advice here. glad to hear you are out of town and enjoying new surroundings. I think that its best to go away for a while to collect your thoughts and get a hold of the situation slowly. being away gives you the chance to be alone and also to avoid family and friends' questions of what happened etc. I know having friends and family are important to get over this situation but initially I think its important for you to be away and have the opportunity to pause and reflect.

hopefully you will come out of this ordeal stronger and with more experience. things always fall into its place with time. ironically time is both the enemy and the healer of us all in this life...
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post #43 of 91
5/2/10 at 3:22am
Hey Pepsi. Hang in there man!
Eventually you will heal and find somebody you can trust.
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post #44 of 91
5/2/10 at 3:56am
Really sorry to hear this Pepsi. I'm not sure how I would react if something like this happened to me.

There have been lots of helpful ideas posted here for you. Something that really helps me whenever I feel down, disappointed, angry, etc. is to go to the gym for a good punching session and a little workout. Practice your boxing skills
Even when I'm feeling good, I feel great after getting some hits out.

Best of luck and I hope it's not long before this is behind you.
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post #45 of 91
5/2/10 at 4:56am
Sorry to hear the bad news, man. Although she cheated on you, at least she told you now instead of months or years down the line (or never!). It's definitely a sad situation but you can get through it. Just think about how much better off you will be in the long run! Pick up a new hobby, preferably exercise/physical activity related. Remember that this will soon be in the past and you can focus on the many years ahead and how they will be much better.

A certain line comes to mind here: "I got 99 problems but a (insert descriptive words here) ain't one."

Since you're in Chicago, spend some coin and try and find some tickets to the Hawks game on Monday.. That might get your mind off of the situation for a night, hopefully (as long as they don't play like they did tonight).
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