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Relationship Help: Boyfriend / Girlfriend issue - Page 8

post #106 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by rx7_fan View Post
Thanks Luis, Ed, (where's aaron and Bill =) ? the other Andy, and all of you who took time to give your opinion. I decided to give it another try since we have been together for 6 years and for what she told me, it seems like a harmless crush. It could be a decision I would regret, but I think I will sleep better at night knowing I tried my best at something rather than just giving up when things get tough. As for her, if she's lying to me, then that's something she got live with, and live a lie.

oh ok, please ignore previous post.
hope everything turns out ok.
post #107 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by rx7_fan View Post
Thanks Luis, Ed, (where's aaron and Bill =) ? the other Andy, and all of you who took time to give your opinion. I decided to give it another try since we have been together for 6 years and for what she told me, it seems like a harmless crush. It could be a decision I would regret, but I think I will sleep better at night knowing I tried my best at something rather than just giving up when things get tough. As for her, if she's lying to me, then that's something she got live with, and live a lie. I think people deserve a second chance, and she come out and tell me so I think that deserves merit.
6 years!! wow that is quite a long time. Keep on your toes however. If shes the type who gives in to her impulsive crushes, to the point of going out with them(!!) you will always need to be on the look-out.

I tried... and failed... For my past EX's I couldn't compete with their crushes.
post #108 of 150
Good luck rx7 - I hope you prove us all wrong
post #109 of 150
Good on ya man. Just remember, when in doubt...


...C11H17N2NaO2S
post #110 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by rx7_fan View Post
Thanks Luis, Ed, (where's aaron and Bill =) ? the other Andy, and all of you who took time to give your opinion. I decided to give it another try since we have been together for 6 years and for what she told me, it seems like a harmless crush. It could be a decision I would regret, but I think I will sleep better at night knowing I tried my best at something rather than just giving up when things get tough. As for her, if she's lying to me, then that's something she got live with, and live a lie. I think people deserve a second chance, and she came out and tell me so I think that deserves merit.
Good for you man! At least you took a decision!! Six years is a long time and certainly something I wouldn't just toss aside. I am of the opinion that most people will cheat for a reason. Not spending time with a girl gives her good reason. I'm not saying it's right - but it's a good reason. Talk to her and work it out. Hope it goes well man!
post #111 of 150
I wish you well, but in my book, with six years behind what she did is even worse. I would be lying if not saying that I feel very strongly about the kind of behavior she exercised, it is completely unnaceptable to me. But hey, different people, different tolerance levels, different relationships, you are the master of your own destiny so it's all up to you both. Best luck!
post #112 of 150
ALOT of people seem to not know what dating is. Datng is dating multiple people, if you deem necessary (or can)...there's a difference between dating and "exclusive"....but people think they go hand in hand....call off the exclusivity and keep dating...have your cake and eat it too...and go manwhore around, before she whores around lol.
post #113 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by oicdn View Post
go manwhore around
Priceless advice. I'm glad I did so before I went exclusive and eventually got married. No shame in being a manwhore. Best thing ever!!
post #114 of 150
I wish I was attractive enough to be a manwhore.
post #115 of 150
Six years is a long time and worth trying to work things out. I, however, don't wish you luck, but rather, I wish you awareness. The situation, right down to the co-worker/understanding friend turned crush is too typical to be tossed off as a simple matter of forgive and forget because it is a first with you two.

If you have a pattern of neglecting her, or showing affection in ways that mean something to you, but little to her, step up your game.

BUT

that doesn't change the fact that she was unwilling to address the issue at hand, feeling neglected (as she claims) with you first, or if she did and still didn't find her needs being met, she didn't have the respect for herself or you to call it off, even if painful, before acting on a crush. She first told you about the dinner, but only later told you about the beach. This is not honesty. If the dinner was innocent, deciding to go to a beach (does this guy even know she's in a relationship?) had to raise questions of right or wrong in her mind and she chose what felt good to her over what was right for the two of you. She had to know it would bother you and chose to do it anyway. Or, what may be worse, she put you and your six years together out of her mind completely. Then, she chose to tell you only part. This is not innocence. It's selfishness and immaturity. Her crying doesn't change that. Your neglect didn't make her chose poorly. She chose freely.

I, sadly, have a few female friends who cheat on their husbands and almost always with someone they met at work. They all use the He doesn't treat me right/He neglects me/The sex used to be good but isn't anymore excuses to justify their actions. Since I've known some of these women since childhood, I can honestly say in all their cases, their husbands do neglect them as women, are boring as hell in bed (from what they tell me), and take them for granted as wives, but my friends are not really interested in fixing that. They love their husbands, but they also like, on a very real level, being able to blame their husbands for what they feel is missing rather than admit that what they're really looking for is the thrill and validation of feeling attractive and attracted to a new man. When the thrill is gone, or they start feeling guilty, or the guy turns out to not be prince charming, they start loving their husbands all over again, and tell me how truly kind and wonderful, and blah blah etc. he is and how could they have been so foolish when all they want is their wonderful husband blah blah blah. The cycle always picks up again.

I'm not saying your girlfriend is like these women, but her choices tell me that she could become one if she's blaming you for her decision to act with another rather than explore new ways of being with you or calling it off before moving on. Just be aware.
post #116 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirosia View Post
I wish I was attractive enough to be a manwhore.
Looks help but in reality, looks have nothing to do with it.
post #117 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by boomana View Post
Six years is a long time and worth trying to work things out. I, however, don't wish you luck, but rather, I wish you awareness. The situation, right down to the co-worker/understanding friend turned crush is too typical to be tossed off as a simple matter of forgive and forget because it is a first with you two.

If you have a pattern of neglecting her, or showing affection in ways that mean something to you, but little to her, step up your game.

BUT

that doesn't change the fact that she was unwilling to address the issue at hand, feeling neglected (as she claims) with you first, or if she did and still didn't find her needs being met, she didn't have the respect for herself or you to call it off, even if painful, before acting on a crush. She first told you about the dinner, but only later told you about the beach. This is not honesty. If the dinner was innocent, deciding to go to a beach (does this guy even know she's in a relationship?) had to raise questions of right or wrong in her mind and she chose what felt good to her over what was right for the two of you. She had to know it would bother you and chose to do it anyway. Or, what may be worse, she put you and your six years together out of her mind completely. Then, she chose to tell you only part. This is not innocence. It's selfishness and immaturity. Her crying doesn't change that. Your neglect didn't make her chose poorly. She chose freely.

I, sadly, have a few female friends who cheat on their husbands and almost always with someone they met at work. They all use the He doesn't treat me right/He neglects me/The sex used to be good but isn't anymore excuses to justify their actions. Since I've known some of these women since childhood, I can honestly say in all their cases, their husbands do neglect them as women, are boring as hell in bed (from what they tell me), and take them for granted as wives, but my friends are not really interested in fixing that. They love their husbands, but they also like, on a very real level, being able to blame their husbands for what they feel is missing rather than admit that what they're really looking for is the thrill and validation of feeling attractive and attracted to a new man. When the thrill is gone, or they start feeling guilty, or the guy turns out to not be prince charming, they start loving their husbands all over again, and tell me how truly kind and wonderful, and blah blah etc. he is and how could they have been so foolish when all they want is their wonderful husband blah blah blah. The cycle always picks up again.

I'm not saying your girlfriend is like these women, but her choices tell me that she could become one if she's blaming you for her decision to act with another rather than explore new ways of being with you or calling it off before moving on. Just be aware.


^^ Damn...that's deep as hell...we were just telling him to sleep around FIRST, lol.

All seriousness though, that's good advice coming from a woman....

I will tell you though....sex isn't boring between me and my significant other. I KNOW I'm not a lame-o in the sack (both through word of mouth getting back to me and from my own nosy-ness, lol), but put it this way...you get tired of eating pizza everyday. There's only so many variations of pizza you can have before you feel like occasionally eating a hamburger. And that's not just on one side of the table, all parties dining will admit to wanting to eat a hamburger every once in awhile....it's a matter of if you have the guts to place the order.
post #118 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by boomana View Post
she put you and your six years together out of her mind completely. Then, she chose to tell you only part. This is not innocence. It's selfishness and immaturity. Her crying doesn't change that. Your neglect didn't make her chose poorly. She chose freely.
Exactly my own assessment, couldn´t have said it better.

Obviously she made some clear choices about giving opportunities for things to happen with that other guy. Clearly, those choices were not based on any sense of respect or loyalty towards any exclusivity agreement with her boyfriend. Her attempt to make her boyfriend's "neglect" the cause of her excursions into disloyalty in my opinion also shows that she pretends to justify her selfishness and actions without assuming full responsibility for those actions, something that could be regarded as cunningness -not just immaturity and/or emotional carelessness.

Anyway, just paraphrasing and overanalyzing. I expressed my opinion already in previous posts...
post #119 of 150
Quote:
Originally Posted by rx7_fan View Post
Hey guys and gals,

I have a strange situation which is so confusing to me and thought u might be able to help.
Well, I bet that cleared everything up for you. It's never productive, this kind of thing. I hope you've at least learned that. Asking for advice, means you are afraid to face the truth. So, face the truth.

(no offense meant to any of you armchair psychologists out there)
post #120 of 150
Wow, Boomama's post is a good perspective coming from a women's side.
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