Just kidding, but it seemed fitting.
I wish I could cook well.
<Reviving a great thread>
Granted, but you can only be like him (them?) in your own eyes.
I wish it wasn't raining here all the time.
Granted. What are you going to do now you shoplifter?
I wish I could have a nice tasty lobster tail dipped in butter.
Granted, but they're replacing them with wild tigers.
I wish I could make a wish that couldn't be corrupted.
Granted, but it's replaced with an extreme case of ticklishness (I really don't have the heart to corrupt this.)
I wish I could read minds.
Granted, but only the minds of Alzheimer's patients.
I wish I had more headphones so I wouldn't feel like such a loser here.
Granted. You were married in Canada and now have 20 male wives. They gave you a one time payment of half a pickle and a penny.
I wish to end child obesity.
granted. You have ended child obesity in your dreams.
EDIT I wish I could enter the 2D (anime) world and marry to one of the girls there.
Granted, but you marry the ugliest female in the ugliest 2D world.
I wish I could be dead in peace.