Mother (knocking on door): Patrick, what are you doing?
Mother: You are playing with your ERS Paper again, aren't you?
Mother: Yes you are.
Patrick: No, I'm masturbating.
Mother: Yeah right. I can hear cutting and taping sounds.
Patrick: It's from my TV.
Mother: You don't have a TV anymore, you sold it!
Patrick: Go away! I want to tweak!!
Mother (enters the room): You need to go outside and get fresh air!
Patrick: I was outside yesterday.
Mother: You were just sticking your head out the window for two seconds!
(Mother starts dragging Patrick outside)
Patrick: Aaahhh my frail bones!
Mother: Some fresh air will make you think better, you will thank me.
Patrick: I get all the air I need from listening to my Valhalla cables!
Mother: It's not real!
Patrick: What? You...are...SKEPTIC??!!
(Mother closes door and leaves Patrick outside)
(Patrick starts banging on door)
Patrick: Let me in! I need to tweak!!
(1 hour later police arrives)
Cop: Is there a problem here?
Patrick: Yes, I want to tweak my audio system but my mother doesn't let me!
Cop: You tweak what?
Patrick: My audio system.
Cop: I can't hear you, why are you whispering?
Patrick: I'm not whispering, this is my tweaking voice.
Cop: But you aren't tweaking now.
Patrick: No, but I'm thinking about it.
Cop: That is not a reason to call the police.
Cop: That's not what we are for.
Patrick: But you have all the guns!
(Patrick starts grabbing police officer's gun)
Cop #2: Watch out!
(a loud cracking sound is heard when the cop breaks Patrick's arm)
Patrick: My...my...tweaking arm!
(Patrick faints to the ground)
(2 hours later Patrick wakes up)
Patrick: Where am I? Who are you?
Cell mate: Bend over!
Patrick: Hi, Ben. Do you like to tweak?
Cell mate: Yes.
Bud u deserve you're own sitcom. ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX...u guyz listening???