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Joke of the day

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Here goes a funny joke for your entertainment

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s-e-x, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He! was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."
post #2 of 11
This is a family website .
post #3 of 11
hey man, rape isn't funny (unless it's porky pig raping elmer fudd (do the voices)).
post #4 of 11
decent joke, but it's old. In fact, I think it was already posted in the "unofficial" head-fi joke thread located somewhere round hyah....
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kirosia
decent joke, but it's old. In fact, I think it was already posted in the "unofficial" head-fi joke thread located somewhere round hyah....

I found it in an old e-mail of mine from years ago.
post #6 of 11
your handle reminds me of space quest. brings back memories.
post #7 of 11
Yup, a repost.

Now where is that long running joke thread?.....
post #8 of 11
Under someone digs up ye olde joke threade heres more.

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Dam.

Whats yellow and cant swim?

A Bulldozer.

What did the grape do when someone stood on it?

Let out a little wine.

post #9 of 11
I'll bump that thread up.... (hey, I'm the last poster for that thread too!)
post #10 of 11

John was in the fertilized egg business.  He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.  He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.  This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.  Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.  Now, he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!  When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.  To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring.  He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.  John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Saint Lawrence County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well.  Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Vote carefully this fall, the bells are not always audible.

post #11 of 11
An older couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.  In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"  The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."  He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
 
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