So I know what I want in life, I just can't imagine it...
So here is my rant, I hope no one takes offence to me posting this but here goes. Ever since a little kid I've always wanted to make something out of myself and for a reason. I've always imagined myself being able to do anything, capable of anything as long as I put my mind to it. I grew up in a 3rd world country where majority of the people never make it past the equivalence of High School.
My father was always a hard working person and I often remember him locking himself in his room for 8+ hours a day so he could study for his exams.
I graduated decently from High School, during my senior year I had a 4.0 GPA I was content with.
I've always wanted to be a doctor. I cannot imagine myself doing anything else. I've tried, trust me.
Here I am in my 2nd Semester of Freshman College and everything seems to be closing in on me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
For the past few weeks I've been doing horrible. Calculus is getting worse by the day, Chemistry is the same way. I'm spending the majority of my day in school doing nothing but work. I haven't watched a full TV show in 6+ months nor have I played a single Video Game.
What am I doing this for? 4 Years High School, 4 Years College... only god knows if I make it past that point if I make it that far at all. I just don't understand.
I Know my goal, I want it badly. But what's wrong with me, there is something missing in the middle. Days upon days keep adding up as if it is fate for me to just drop out as I have nothing to contribute to society.
"Go talk to a career adviser... " "Rethink what you want in life... " "Quit being so damn lazy... " "Buck up soldier and keep on trucking..."
I've heard these since I got to college, over and over again... What is wrong with me?
I don't want to drop out. I don't want to give up, I want to keep going on and on...
I don't wonder "Why me...". If not me, then who else? or "What is the meaning of life?, why are we here?, and "What is the overall purpose if we just die?"
I've already answered those questions for myself.
Ever feel like you have everything in the world you could ever want, yet, you have nothing at all?
Edit: Go to post #22 for update 8 years later.
Edited by MuZI - 1/15/14 at 2:00pm