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So what now...

post #1 of 23
Thread Starter 

So I know what I want in life, I just can't imagine it...

So here is my rant, I hope no one takes offence to me posting this but here goes. Ever since a little kid I've always wanted to make something out of myself and for a reason. I've always imagined myself being able to do anything, capable of anything as long as I put my mind to it. I grew up in a 3rd world country where majority of the people never make it past the equivalence of High School.

My father was always a hard working person and I often remember him locking himself in his room for 8+ hours a day so he could study for his exams.

I graduated decently from High School, during my senior year I had a 4.0 GPA I was content with.

I've always wanted to be a doctor. I cannot imagine myself doing anything else. I've tried, trust me.

Here I am in my 2nd Semester of Freshman College and everything seems to be closing in on me. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

For the past few weeks I've been doing horrible. Calculus is getting worse by the day, Chemistry is the same way. I'm spending the majority of my day in school doing nothing but work. I haven't watched a full TV show in 6+ months nor have I played a single Video Game.

What am I doing this for? 4 Years High School, 4 Years College... only god knows if I make it past that point if I make it that far at all. I just don't understand.

I Know my goal, I want it badly. But what's wrong with me, there is something missing in the middle. Days upon days keep adding up as if it is fate for me to just drop out as I have nothing to contribute to society.

"Go talk to a career adviser... " "Rethink what you want in life... " "Quit being so damn lazy... " "Buck up soldier and keep on trucking..."

I've heard these since I got to college, over and over again... What is wrong with me?

I don't want to drop out. I don't want to give up, I want to keep going on and on...

I don't wonder "Why me...". If not me, then who else? or "What is the meaning of life?, why are we here?, and "What is the overall purpose if we just die?"

I've already answered those questions for myself.

Ever feel like you have everything in the world you could ever want, yet, you have nothing at all?


Edit: Go to post #22 for update 8 years later.

Edited by MuZI - 1/15/14 at 2:00pm
post #2 of 23

It's part of growing up, those questions. You're overloading yourself with too much work and not giving yourself a chance to let your head clear.

To me, we only have one shot at this life and it's soooo easy to be negative about everything that most people love to hate. I choose not to. You have to work at being positive on things, no matter how hard they are.

Good luck, y0.
post #3 of 23
Been there. Done that. Well, kind of. Right now in life I am in my first year of law school, so I already completed the high school and college thing and have moved on.

It seems to be you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Turn on the TV and watch a few hours. Go play a video game. Go watch a movie. Heck, go hit a bar (if you can ). Relax for just one night and worry about it in the morning. Or better yet take a whole weekend off. Don't worry, the work will pile up but it won't kill you just yet. You just need some time to clear your head.

Good luck.
post #4 of 23
I'm a senior in college, with graduation a few months away. I've been there, and it gets better. Most schools try to weed out the weak, so it's not uncommon to have a fairly rigorous courseload early in school. Believe it or not, you're still maturing, and I'm sure you'll start to notice some changes within the next 6 months. I remember coming into my sophomore year actually knowing what I wanted to do with my life, and how to do it. Work didn't seem like an endless black hole, but rather, just another step to reach my goal. Plus, once your major classes start to pick up and you develop friendships with other classmates, you'll feel a little more "at home".

It's almost the weekend, you should try to get out and relax a little
post #5 of 23
Thread Starter 
Don't have time to relax, I have midterms in 1 week. We haven't had a vacation since school started, atleast not one I can remember...
post #6 of 23
For one night just say "**** it" and go out and have fun
post #7 of 23
Short term pain for long term gain.

Though the others are right. As soon as midterms are over, chill out for as long as you can. You need to. It sounds like you are on the verge of a meltdown.
post #8 of 23
Originally Posted by MuZI
Don't have time to relax, I have midterms in 1 week. We haven't had a vacation since school started, atleast not one I can remember...
Trust me you have time to relax.

I say take Saturday off. Go out with friends and spend a full 24 hours without thinking about school.
post #9 of 23
Originally Posted by gsteinb88
For one night just say "**** it" and go out and have fun

There's sense in trying to study/work/etc. if your mind wants to wander off for a little bit. Go out and have a few rounds with some friends and if you miss an assignment or maybe do poorly on it I promise you it won't be the end of your world. Midterms and finals are kind of important but still ic no reason for you too study when you seem like you need a break. If you don't take one then you might as well not study.
post #10 of 23
I think you just need to chill out. I'm sure you know the answers. You sound like a smart guy. But what's stopping you is yourself. I don't think anyone can give you the right answers here. You'll overcome your own demons WHEN you want to and IF you want to.

How bout reading some philosophy? Don't judge. Don't say "i don't agree" or "this is all crap". Get into their heads to see how they reason, the schema. You'll come out a lot more rational ( in your own way ), less emotional and in more control of your life.
post #11 of 23
I get decent grades, don't really study, have no real goal but . . I have fun. If all you do is spend time cramming and worrying, you're gonna stress out. Go chill, pork, eat a pretzel, something.

If you can't handle the workload, maybe you just slow it down. Take less classes. Perfection is overrated, people aren't machines.
post #12 of 23
Originally Posted by Thaddy
Most schools try to weed out the weak, so it's not uncommon to have a fairly rigorous courseload early in school.
Very true...why do you think half of the people who start in first year don't go onto second year. I'm sure you'll be fine, I had the same thoughts when I was in university. You'll look back on it once you graduate and wonder what all the fuss was about I'm sure...good luck...
post #13 of 23
My senior year in college was pretty insane. I was project manager for a 20+ person research/design project, I was also competing in a separate international design competition for much of the year, I was RA for my dorm, That year, several of my friends died under disturbing circumstances, What else....oh right, the full engineering courseload. I was averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep each day, and sometimes I'd go for over three straight days without sleeping at all. I suppose I was trying to prove to myself that I could handle it all...that I could cut it.

Sadly, I couldn't. Things were almost okay until halfway through the last semester, when everything started spinning out of control. Other than four days over Christmas, I hadn't taken any time off to cool off and unwind. My stress levels were really unhealthy, and I was getting sick quite often. Grades plummeted, project deadlines were lost, job interviews bombed, and I felt like I was on the verge of some sort of breakdown. It was like my body was trying to shut-down from all the demands I was putting on it. Fortunately, I went and found a school councilor, who kicked some sense into me. He also recommended to the Dean that I be given 'incompletes' for my classes so I could finish them a bit later. Long story short, I eventually finished everything, but it took me several months to get my mind all straightened out, and to rediscover my humanity.

What did I learn? I now know I can't do everything at once, stress can really degrade your physical and mental health, rest is important, and I don't have to prove anything to know I have value.

Also, In the grander scheme, your GPA will become irrelevant after your first job. Truely, academic achievement is trivial in light of the value of education. Get your money's worth from your time there, but know that college can teach you a lot beyond what's contained in the curriculum.

If your GPA must fall a point for you to maintain your health, so be it. Also, don't consider yourself a slacker or failure if you think taking a semester or two off would be helpful in the big picture. I've known several people who did this for various reasons, and they did much better upon returning.

Happiness is rather fleeting, and cannot be found in wealth or accomplishment. Instead, invest in that which you love; be it hobbies, vocation, or relationships with friends/family/God. Few things in life possess a lasting or intrinsic value. Aspire to discover them.

Anyway, I hope this screed was at least somewhat coherent and possibly helpful to you. I wish you the best.
post #14 of 23
MuZI, I am a pre-med in my junior year preparing for the MCAT now. Just so you know, the first two years (all of the intro. science courses) are the hardest ones. It only goes downhill from there. Don't throw away the towel as you're climbing up the hill. Cuz it sure is fun to ski down it on the other side I'll be waiting for you here on the other side.
post #15 of 23
What you're describing sound like depression. Psycotropes were invented for people in your shoes. Your life will not allow you to deal with your problems due to a lack of time. serotonin reuptake inhibitors will alow you to finish school with out your invasive thoughts sabotaging the path you've chosen to take. After you finish school then you can go get therepy and do the work you need to do in order fix the things that are causing your anxiety and guilt.

All depressed people have an aversion to taking psychotropes. They don't want to believe that thier depression is altering thier thoughts and that its just a matter of will to buck themselves up and over come. Perhaps it will work for a short time but I cannot hold out for years as you need it to.

Your school no doubt has a great student care program where you can go and talk to somebody about your depression and get a prescription for an SRI. This is what they were made for.
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