How to motivate someone with no drive? HELP PLEASE!

have you talked to him about this subject? Thats the first thing I'd do. Maybe a wild girlfriend is all he needs. Otherwise, there's not much I can think of except taking him out with you and showing him a good time/encouraging him to let loose and be confident. Perhaps you could help him find a hobby or pastime that would help him discover the assertive side of himself? I know a lot of friends who gained a lot of confidence through sports, martial arts, rock climbing, etc.

If you are really invested in this I think you need to get him involved in some other activity before you tackle the girlfriend issue. Like Pne said, get him into sports, martial arts, rock climbing or golf or maybe nonsport stuff like movies, books, music, or chess. Once he realizes all the fun he can have away from his computer he should be able to pick up the girl.

Or you could always use a combination of threats of violence and intimidation.

hehe . . . this guy sorta reminds me of me (in the olden days). I used to stay home and play videogames, watch tv, etc. and shun social interaction, as well as deafly being afraid of rejection. (Had two girls dis me on the same day I think, messed me up) My friends would constantly try to get me out and about, chilling with girls and the like.

The only thing I can say is to keep trying to change him. Some may think it's better to let him live the way he does, but screw them. Tell the guy he needs to grow up for his own good, and hammer it into him over and over. One day he may just wake up and realize that how it is now, isn't how it should always be. It's kinda like having a revelation about who you are, what you've been doing, and what you want done. He has to want to change. Everyone is capable of being confident in themselves, they just need a reason. When he finds that reason, he'll go for broke. Even if he never makes it all the way. Eh, I wonder if anything I just said makes any sense . . .

It's really noble and kind that you care for your friend that much. Some people work better in a group dynamic than a one-on-one. It might be easier for him to get together with this woman while he's with a few other people. The trick is to let him feel comfortable and then he'll act naturally instead of the way he thinks he has to when with a woman.

I used to think that a person had to motivated, have their own place, etc. Happiness is happiness, wherever you make it!

i don't know, but have you considered he might have depression?

Bottom line IMO, you can't motivate someone else, or give them self-confidence. People have to discover these qualities themselves. Best to just appreciate and enjoy them for who they are.

P.S. you may be surprised/amazed where your friend goes in 10 or 20 years.

Study Abroad. He should travel somewhere else, life-changing experience guaranteed. He can also meet lots of new people, same situation and completely different.


Okay I haven't done it yet - however I work at a student exchange org., so lots of testimony and experience taken from participants =).

lol, your friend sounds a lot like me!

I wish the best for your friend.

how old is your friend?

Hey Squeek, you liar, we don't know each other!

Seriously, I am, in almost every respect, the very person you describe. There are some things you need to consider before deciding on a course of action. True, your friend may be depressed as some suggest and lack confidence. There is also the possibility that he is comfortable with being the way he is, and doesn't wish to change. Not everyone is cut out to be outgoing and social. There are many reasons why for that, only your friend knows the truth behind his behavior, and I would suggest you talk to him and try to find out exactly how he feels about his life before you decide he needs to change himself.

For years alot of people tried to do the very same to me. Only recently have they begun to see that I am very comfortable and happy being the person I am. I keep at most 2-3 friends at any particular time, plus my immediate family. I need not nor choose to surround myself with anyone else, and so far in my life, have had no desire to push the issue on a personal relationship. It will come when it comes, and if it doesn't, so be it.

The lack of motivation that has plagued most of my life is slowly starting to fade of it's own volition, and I've found myself embarking on a few projects that only a year or so ago would never have been possible. I am a firm believer that everyone has to find their own pace, some move faster, others like me, move much more slowly, but it's where you end up that matters.

I assume you and your friend are still fairly young. Don't push him, he will find his way, and may very well ease himself into a better position than most people who push things too quickly and way too late realize their mistakes. There is no need to push the panic button. As fewtch hinted at, in 10 years you may find him leading the pack. Encourage him if you wish, but don't push him. Let him be.

i knew someone in high school like that..no identity..kinda lost. he joined the marine corp and came back brimming with confidence and can do attitude. and quite muscular as well. the marines needs more bodies as well so if he is willing maybe he should join the marine corp. it will change him for the better if confidence is your goal.

coming off unemployment can freak some folks out, so if he's in a job he hates, he's probably in turtle mode just happy to be cutting a check. after he gets pissed enough that he's making peanuts for what he's worth and his job stinks, he'll move on his own.

as for the world of warcraft thing, yeah, get him OFF that thing. Evercrack almost did me in, and it wasn't pretty. those games are time suckers and all those evening hours could be better used socializing with real people who you'll want to develop real relationships with over real time.

finally, if he can afford it, tell him to suck it up and stop the magic laundry and everything and get out of his parents' house. nothing says "don't date me" like living like a mama's boy.

and that depression thing may not be so far off the mark. again, unemployment can cause lingering feelings of crappy self worth and escapism and dependency and victimization that living with the folks and going into virtual worlds can't help. time to get him out there and breathing some fresh air!

OK...as far as the girl goes, I have hatched a plan so devious it can only come from the mind of a woman:

If shes easy, like you say she is, then he isnt gonna get shot down. Thats what hes scared of, rejection. Since your men, you cant have a heart to heart about rejection. Thats Dr Phil crap. So heres what you do. Tell him that a freind of the girl said that she likes him, but shes waiting for him to make the first move. Should get him in gear just enough (since now he feels like its a sure bet, no risk of rejection) to make a move on the girl. And hey, if things go wrong, not your fault, its imaginary female freinds fault.