No, they're some freaky mutation violating the very rules of the universe. Your beloved music is threatening our existence. Also, it's not very tasteful. I'm not sure which is more offensive.
Besides, the bigger the holes the better.
(Don't think dirty now).
You don't really need the rum. In fact the best pina colada is not a pina colada at all. It's 100% pineapple extract. Of course that'd sear your tongue off and the ramifications will likely scar you for years to come, but at least you can't blame it on alcohol like everyone does with their problems.
Just having noticed that pineapple rings and bagels share the same shape. Good things in life just works itself out like that.